Chaos.

I have been making my rounds at the malls. There are so many couples walking up and down the halls that sometimes it makes me jealous. You see that I quit my job about two years ago and went back to my studies. In these two years, I have realized a number of things which is that having a relationship where presence is paramount is increasingly not important.

The jealousy comes from making the next alternative a better choice than this particular one. This means that what have we missed out while not going to a proper relationship. This means losing finding out about another person whom have a whole life story to tell, or some form of interesting snippets that they wish to share. This is the one thing that we all missed if we choose doing something else while picking to find not choosing to connect with someone.

In order to reconcile this particular form of rationality, many have often use work and other forms of practical matters by which to compensate for this lack of direct social connection. And in this particular choice, they have chosen instead to seek monetary compensation and sometimes abstract gratification in by which to relieve the pain by which talking someone would sometimes help.

This means that the social connection is in effect part of a larger social body and rather than a particular person or persons. This means that working is sometimes the choice simply because labour makes us feel part of a body by which we are creating something meaningful- and at the same time, we get paid for doing so. Alternatively if we are spiritual, we would like to change the world and forego some form of partiality in exchange for an objective view of the world by which we can bring about some form of vision which we deemed are creative.

The jealousy then comes in part from not discovering about another person by which we can too fulfill the same objective simply by extracting the same form of gratification from the above. This form of gratification is more fulfilling simply because it is more inductive. This means that we can find out more about the world through another person than having it to discover for ourselves through believing abstractly that our action has a minute form of change in the entire world.

This means that the jealousy is in part due to missing and sharing the life of another person as compared with finding out more about the world through your own eyes.

I really don't missed my life where my friends, girlfriends and family go out and together we find out and share some form of connection simply because it will always comes a time and a point in our life, where sometimes it is really not just about yourself. Seeking this form of gratification is simply a byword for a innocence of discovery through borrowed eyes.

The jealousy is not really companionship and neither is it some form yearning but rather at a level by which are missing out something while seeking something larger. That has always and always be the tug and pull of doing something "useful" while the denying ourselves the chance to be "creative."

Personally, I still feel I have done my time on that. I am no egoist but really, the humming bird continues to hum regardless of what I do.