A sad perfection

I am 33 this year and I have worked for about 7 years before some events at the office made me left the job. At this current moment, I am doing my post-grad in Finance since 2012, not in hope of finding a new job but in the hope of doing something more "professional" and not just some "job". The 2 year hiatus made me realize certain things that I would not have had I not slowed down. 1) Most at my age have given up on life and passed it all to the kids 2) As a result, a lot of us are not really working.

Some of my friends which are no longer my friends due to differing views on work and job have really no aspirations in their job.1) They speak like their job is nothing more than an inconvenience that they have to do just to get by in their life 2) There are other's who talk like they are constantly on an interview- which means that everything is predicated on being nice, sweet, positive and chirpy- but not necessarily productive. I am not saying all these because that I am ambitious and have achieve everything that they don't have and I am gloating. But they really are like zombies walking to work and crawling back home to sleep and on weekends buy things to make them feel good and start the whole cycle again.

Actually, I saw all these coming from some of my friends but the one thing that surprises me is that how much I dislike their attitude towards their work. They don't like what they study and constantly find ways to do rote learning and compete on grades which have absolutely no bearing on their future. That is not to say I dislike them then, I just didn't realize how much I dislike them now. Of course, why, I said that is that some of my ex-colleagues have exactly their attitude towards work as they have towards school.

When I was working, I tolerated these people because they look like my "friends" and have I were to disparage them, I would effectively disparaging my friends, I begin to realize. At the back of my mind, my thoughts were that, I could tolerate them then, why can't I now. The worst thing to happen is that you are piss off with me, I am piss off with me- we would just compete with each other at the bar. But it didn't work out that way because, the same "friends" would have ate lunch without me and try to sideline me out of all the projects. Previously, my grades were mine to keep, their life was their's to screw up and so I didn't care that much.

Of course, then, my image of them was a picture of misery- forever stuck in a job they hate and hanging out with people they dislike because they remind themselves of their own flaws- and so I was rather ambivalent towards their antics. This means that they have lots of jealousy issues, passive aggressive attitude due to their competitive nature and a rather potty mouth. I call them friends because, I think, they look sad to me. I was enjoying myself and also have at least somewhat similar future as them- and so I really don't see the need to be a nuisance of them.

Funnily, once again, one day, I decided to be more decisive towards these people whom are not interested in their jobs, which means that for everything that they are not interested in, I would pick up and do and it sort of work for me for some time and I seem to be learning new things while expanding my job scope, status and rank. "These" same friends began to shun me simply because apparently I was outshining them. Viola!!

After a few years, I was getting tired and I began to realize all these promotions, money, status and slaps on the back are beginning to do nothing for me and I began to slow down and ask myself how do I get promoted faster. Then "these" same people are the ones standing in my way!! Not my bosses, not my subordinates even, but my peers!!.

It was amazing, I slowed down to a crawl and suddenly these people decided to one-up me in every aspect of my life. By "these", I mean my friends which is also effectively "my colleagues" too. I just watch them zoom past me, getting married, getting a flat, getting a car and babies and now they compare who is "happier". [ You want to know why they are competing who is happier- who wants to see photos of kids changing diapers]

Then it dawned one big thing: they are living a "perfect" life. I asked myself, why should I compete to be happier. You know where is the problem- the problem is that when you are young like this, you will grow old like this, and I shut out all these friends and they shut me out- because I do not make them look "good" anymore.

Recently, I was interviewed for a job as a Business Development Manager in a property firm and an Art Gallery assistant and a Key Account Manager at a major printing MNC. Do you know what I did, I pissed all of them off. I look back and I have no idea why I did that- because I think they sound like my these "friends" and "colleagues".

To all my friends, colleagues and anyone who is reading this, I do not fault you but really, you are not "perfect". Someone is already more "perfect" than you.

Just leave me out of your sad myopic mind.