Being nice or being "nice"

Should we be frank or should we remain supportive, these are some of questions that we ask ourselves when we communicate with each other.

There are some whom believed that being frank, outspoken and opinionated reveals a tinge of authenticity that gives us some form of credibility when we talk. This makes us more believable and persuasive when we talk.

But always being in your face makes us sometimes unmanageable and anti-social in the sense that even though we know it is the truth or your true feelings, this eliminates the hopes of things changing. The negative vibes given out in itself can be a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that the worldview will result in exactly the same thing that we are actually trying to avoid.

Take for example, when we find another person that we do not like, we gives out exactly the same vibes to this person, this other person might exactly reciprocate in return, also not liking you- since you do not like me in the first place. But if we approach the person in a neutral or friendly manner, we might turn a potential enemy to a friend simply by not pre-judging the person.

On the other hand, if you are the type of person whom always say supportive things and positive things, you will attract all the right people to you. All the people will reciprocate in kind as well. Saying all the nice things about you and to you as well. But on the other hand, there is a chance that you will  never hear the truth about you. Granted that sometimes, we will need to hear the truth sometimes; if no one tells you the difficult things, will you ever improved. If someone tells you the truth, the earlier that you will know your flaws.

As you can see, I am actually leaning more towards a positive attitude towards each other. This will breed a virtuous cycle towards each other. We can actually tell each other flaws in a nice way- without offending or putting down others. The important thing is to consider each other feelings.

I used to be a believer in being authentic and telling each other the truth as I felt that this would mean being honest with each other and that is the basis of a fruitful relationship. But I began to realise that not only that I might be wrong in my views, I might also hurt the long term relationship. I even think sacrificing the relationship in exchange of honest opinion is an act of sacrifice which should be respected.

I might be wrong but sometimes, an urgent matters, an honest opinion is better than a sugar-coated one but if it is told in private, it might work much better than to create a whole scene or drama over a difficult conversation. We think that outright antagonistic behaviour would provoke a sometimes a positive reaction from the other person. But a calm and plain conversation with a friend about the flaws or downsides might work much better than talking "plainly" or "truthfully". Trying to prevent it from being emotional might actually work better than being just plain rude. The point is to focus on the facts.

But I also used emotions to provoke some form of reactions from people as well before. I think it got the message across but it result in an utter destruction of the relationship. Maybe I was ready to let go of the relationship as well and that's why, I considered it as a parting gift to a friend.

Whatever your communication style, I think the intentions is very important. If your intentions are right, I believed that in time to come, the truth will unravel itself. Whether your relationships will return to normal, remains to be seen though.