One

I have never really thought what family, friends are for. But it seems to many that friends and family  are just basically for 2 reasons 1) because they belong to the same ideology 2) they have a common interest. For the former, I think quite a number mistaken that as true friends and for the latter, they consider them in terms of expediency.

What I do believe in this society and what many have mentioned before is the affliction of alienation. Alienation means a feeling of emotional dissonance. It means that your emotions is not in consonant with your actions. Hence, one feel forever lonely and helpless in spite of being around your friends. As we lived in ever crowded spaces, our actions are constantly restricted by the gaze of the others, hence even though we walk freely, we do not act freely- or lack the experience of emotional consonnance- which is required for being happy.

As our crowded spaces becomes more confined and we meet with people from different walks of life- we constantly check ourselves, looking for people with the common ideology for comfort. But at the end of the day, we realise that it was a futile effort because, each one of us have different experiences and therefore different outlook in life- and in some ways, different from one another.

And therefore in order to maintain a common ideology after facing a barrage of discomforting images, we employ 2 mechanisms 1)  we become puritans- which means that we must be the same, otherwise, each of us becomes uncomfortable hence making it difficult to become friends in a group 2) we constantly check ourselves to esnure that we constantly in line with each other's ideology in spite of our differences; and so that we can so-called be friends in spite of our differences.

Puritans then therefore become a race to the bottom- trying to find the lowest common denominator of which we can agree on- very often external features.

The second makes us claustrophobic and as a result of alienation and unhappiness- even in spite of so-called popularity. This is because we constantly check our behaviour that we feel sometimes our body is outside of ourselves- a form of emotional dissonance or alienation. We are not at one with ourselves- and this is the cause of unhappiness. This is because we aim to self-regulate our behaviour to the appeasement of others- while other's are self-regulating themselves to the appeasement of you as well. That makes everyone who attempts to "fit in" all the more unhappy. We at the end of the day look for external things for gratification. Shopping, or eating endorphins-laden food to take away the hollow-ness. Anything that gives us a certain "one-ness" with our body.

And coming back to family and friends again- this is how people in groups become friends and how family attempts to stay together. We think that the phenomenon of around family and friends and being around people- makes us normal, sociable and likeable. But if pictures and postcards are our emotions then that would work- unfortunately, quite often the act itself is quite different from the emotions that one feels inside.

I have highlighted an issue. How then does one attempts to improve your emotional state without jeopardizing your relationship with family and friends?

Ask yourself: when are you the happiest- when was the last time that you were doing something that you forgot the time and where you were?

You were at "one" with yourself without realising it. Replicate that.