Getting tHere

I was reading a few Facebook posts and I begin to realize that everyone looks the same after they leave school, start work and get married.- especially after they get married. It is like universal that men look like boys and women look worn out. It almost looks like a carbon copy every single photo I see.

This is especially so with guys my age and how come they look like boys after they become fathers even after a few years. They really lack the teeth and really lack the cutting edge that was just visible a few years ago. It is almost painfully obvious that somehow, the years never catch up with the guys like time just seem to roll over for them. It is not just the look, it is literally the eyes as well. You know the wide-eyed wonder look that everything is new- even after they become fathers.

I am sorry that I am not married and neither am I a father- but my experience tell me that time with another woman in constant proximity can wear you down like how well worn tyres can wear you down.

Okay, no girlfriend for four years is quite a long time but unfortunately, the way I look at them, I really don't see why I should get one. I used to think that having a girlfriend, a wife or any form of emotional attachment is a burden because they can really slow you down in everything that you do. But it becomes rather apparent that the emotional attachment seems like a taboo in these photos. I know I am extremely critical of people whom are inauthentic but seriously, your wife, girlfriend and even your own children. It is almost embarrassing.

These photos almost feels like that they have given up something in exchange for something. Some seem primed for their life but for some really strange reason, they refuse to allow their qualities to shine. The best part is that they look photogenic while trying not to be. That is probably the reason for the emptiness- that looks the life is sucked right out off them during that moment.

I have to explained all these because it is increasingly apparent that I am leading an alternative lifestyle and my friends can't seem to find a stereotype for me to fit in. I really really want to start a relationship but unfortunately everytime, I see these photos, it scares the living daylights out of me.

I really prefer my lifestyle where I am not beholden to anyone and have no need for any pretenses just so that I will not anything stupid. This is because, they are my friends and we used to party, drink and study together. They are not as smart as me, granted but there is no reason to choose functionality over visceral living. It almost seems like they are cardboard cuttings.

Apparently, they are more social than me, have more parties and attend more functions- simply because they have a job, a wife, a house and maybe kids. My question is that how come they seem to be poster ads for insurance companies.

It is really true that I feel that I am missing something and actually it is not my doing that I see it from my viewpoint. But if you make a comparison of my lifestyle several years back, I really really don't want to go to that lifestyle.

My lifestyle revolves around work, meeting friends and maybe girlfriends, dates and actually 90% of the time is work. Now, with nothing at hand, some people are laughing at me, seriously with so much time at hand, you don't have the time to find one or even get one- it can't be right.

I almost did a few times simply because, I am not kidding- they all come all guns blazing. And truth be told, I am really afraid and scared of them- not for my life, but how my life will turn out if I give in.

And if I don't, I look at these photos, it scares me even more because at this rate, Simpsons- which is one of my most disliked shows- seems to be favorite show now.

Actually, I expect myself to be like that maybe wide-eyed and schoolboy like but worn out- but I have seen sufficient photos and attended enough weddings to tell me that I don't seem to be missing out on anything. I am not sure why.

I will get married but I am not tired enough, I will get there somehow but just not now.