On bags

Do you know how many people in this world has a colonial hung up? Many. It is only 50 years ago that the word "colonial" was a dirty word. Hongkong was only handed back to China less than 20 years ago and Macau even more recently.

What are you going to do about it? Make everyone in this world learn martial arts and be like Bruce Lee and Ip Man. Just for your information, Bruce Lee studied philosophy in Washington. Don't try to do something that you are not capable of changing. Even if you try to prove the superiority of something, history will always come back and haunt you. Don't even try to deny it, at least you wasn't there in the first place, hence it is not your fault that your grandfathers and great-grandfathers were not so enlightened.

I studied sociology and history and I can tell you that history will repeat itself almost unfailingly. if you attempt to deny the existence or even cowered to it, you are simply being no different from your grandfather who even attempt to concoct the idea of "guns and swords cannot penetrate the body" like the boxer rebellion, just by wearing yellow. It is utter waste of human life.

I can safely tell you that I don't give a damn whether you come from Mars or come from the heaven: even Deng Xiaoping said: " he doesn't care whether you black or white cat, and if you can catch rats, you are a good cat."

Quite frankly, I really don't give a flying damn about whether there are more of us, or they are more intelligent than you or more good looking or taller or more technically gifted than you- if the person is, good for me, I can learn from him. I don't need to prove that I am a black cat just because I am a lousy cat- I think it is tautological. It is running in circles- like a cat chasing after his own tail.

If Deng Xiaoping can say that, I don't see why any proper leader in this modern world cannot embrace that- he haven't even heard of the Internet yet. No one slows down for the sake of slowing down, there must be a reason for everything.

I don't even believe in that anyone is better than anyone by any proper measure. I don't even believe that I am better than anyone for any measure. I might be better in some, somehow I would be worse in others, and the point is not to prove that I am better in those that I am not, but rather find out the reason for it. There is nothing I should be proving- I don't even owe anyone any explanation.

But of course, this colonial hung up is so prevalent that I am not going to pretend that people don't believe it. I think it would be foolish. But well, since people do not believe in themselves for the sake of their eye colour, there is nothing I can do about it, other than allowing them to be so.

You see certain things are self-reinforcing- when people tell you often enough, you tend to believe your own superiority however untrue it can be. You might not be that person, you might be the other person. This means that it is self-biased- and that you begin to believe you are actually better than what you really are. This means it is the same, I just don't need to concur with the same self-reinforcing belief that's all. This means that if other's can believe what they want to believe it is their business, but it is not problem to agree with them- I just need to show sufficient social decency that's all, like how I would do to anyone, with or without prejudice.

And it is just my prerogative to do the same how I would treat anyone should I be face with same situation. The onus is on themselves to correct their own self-perception and also on other's whom have an unhealthy self-reinforcing belief. I am not a priest and neither am I Martin Luther King. I don't need to prove my moral superiority, I just need to know that what Deng Xiaoping said: it doesn't matter where you come from, just so long as you are useful.

Hence whatever that people want to over-compensate for myself, I really don't see a need to. I just treat it like they have bought an expensive bag that they don't need- it's their choice. If I really need an expensive bag, I would get it when I can afford it. Meanwhile, I just stick with my haversack that's all.

Sex in a cafe

I was sitting at this café and which I have sat many times. I cannot help it but observed that desperation actually smells.

It is quite funny to see that people will do absolutely anything for some visibility and some sniff of the opposite sex. I cannot help it but run away some times because I am not sure whether I am obligated to stay just to say, really I don't give a damn or I should just to walk away and just my luck to meet such people.

But it is becoming with exceeding frequency that I have been meeting people that gets under my skin. But personally, I feel that I have paid for my drink and I am free to drink, eat and consume whatever I want just because some people don't have the decency to see themselves in the mirror to scram.

Hence I do not feel obligated to react to people whom is under the belief that they believed that the world belongs to them just because some people just prefer peace and quiet and breaking it, gives them the power to do so. Normally, I zone out. After all, when I pay $6.30 for my Morroccan mint tea, I expect to be able to consume in a manner which anyone is expected to consume.

Anyone who wants to break the monotone of the atmosphere is in a position which condones such such behaviour and not be flouting social conventions just because they are trying to grab attention. Maybe, movies has made a scene where thick skin gets the girl- one must always remember that the real life is not a movie- it involves everyone in the room and not just two people in a room. If one is looking to display their amourous inclinations, an al fresco café facing a hawker centre is not the right place to do so.

Hence, if anyone watches too many movies and thinks that the life imitates art, I can safely tell you that, art resides in a gallery and is observed in isolation and not in full view of everyone. I am not inclined to show anyone any graces just because someone cannot separate reality from celluloid.

I can safely say that if you can work and engage in a social environment, you don't need anyone to tell you in the face that you are disrupting an environment which is predicated on something beyond quite narrow definitions.

If I have my way, I hoped only to walk into the café, get to get my work done and people were to walk in, they were most likely to engage in banter and banal talk and if you so wish engage in light reading and not hoping that a SDU member were to walk in and maybe a serendipitous moment were to occur.

And if you wish for this serendipitous moment to happen, I would suggest to do in a manner which results in the least collateral damage which means, get in and get out. Get the number and really don't make such a loud din and if you don't have the quiet movement of lynx, an elephant in a room is not quite attractive.

Sometimes, I think I am subsidizining someone's amorous activities just because I just want some alone time. My $6.30 does not even cover a dinner and so I would suggest that there isn't anything I can help you with.

My suggestion is that, pretend that I am not there because in reality, I really don't give a damn what you do or say but like any patron of any café, what they want is place to chat and in this case talk about your cat or next holiday or your car for all I care, just don't make such loud din about everything under the sun.

And if I am here to have a chat with a friend, I am here to have a chat with a friend and I don't think I am obligated to stand up for any morality to anyone. If you cannot observe even very simple social norms, I don't really expect to have any more further with you regardless even if you are the prince of lala land.

There is something that bugs me no end is that, if you want to have sex with a girl or want to know someone, why do you make such a loud noise over it. Isnt such things suppose to be discreet however how disgusting the intentions can be.

Just keep it simple and there isn't anything upright about it- why the hell do you pretend to be so. Cut the chase and the deal is not made, move along- for crying out loud, are you looking for a marriage.

I am not even sure, what the whole shenanigans is about. Sometimes, I think I am just a victim of someone who cannot tell the difference between sex and lust. You can have sex without lust, you can be lusty without sex- in fact the lack of it makes it worse. If you are lusty, please drill a hole in a wall, and if you want to have sex, go find a whore.

I am not even trying to have sex even if I am lusty- there is a huge huge difference. If I want to have sex, I will walk into a whorehouse and pay $50 and forget about it.

If I have reach that stage, the last place I would want to be would at the café looking for a whore.

I am not quite get why people want to replicate art in life. Lust and love in movies is quite different. I would suggest that anyone whom are looking for a quick fix- go to an appropriate place and if you are looking for a mistress, there are brokers for this even. Hence I would suggest that if you want a quick fix in a family oriented place- get in and get out fast and don't make it uncomfortable for everyone. At least people can pretend to look away if it is done fast.

When crazy is not.

You know the world has gone crazy when everyone starts dumbing down just to follow the trend. I was watching a movie earlier about a bunch of gangsters going to a monastery and coming up better persons than before. A fund manager only needs a degree and not even need to be related to investment or finance. Some people starts to believe that being a criminal is the only way forward, and the television series I was watching says that the best way forward is for a really good looking and successful looking young man leave an equally successful and equally good looking young lady.

Mass media aside, I spoke to some recruiters and apparently they are more interested in how long a person stays in a job than how successful he/she was in it. Everyone starts to believe that alone-ness is something that everyone should be flaunted and trendy. And that being weird and different is the only way forward.

Being lazy and doing sports is the sure fire way to success. That innovation and success comes from copying and not from one's efforts. And they believed that everyone and everything is all about sex and that is the only thing everyone thinks about all the time. And that by extension, sex is the only thing that drives everyone.

Similarly, that everything and every act happens for a reason and that the humming bird that flaps its wings on one end of the world will caused a hurricane in another. And that the only way hence to have salience is to have as chaos as much as possible and that in order for this settle down is to have more sex and have a family.

I have never heard of such a time, where the rationales is so warped. Employers want more and better education and not less. Gangsters do not go to monasteries and even if they do, they do not take on the monks and actually looked better off than the monks. There is a reason that monks become monks, not because they are ignorant but rather they want to see enlightenment. Old man that goes for young women are often portrayed as lecherous men and in a middle of a mid-life crisis and not because some young men actually screwed them over and left them for dead.  This makes a good old man an exception than a rule. And not vice versa.

People want to know what you achieve in your jobs and not how many hours you clocked staring at the clock and the computer. Alone-ness is often a choice and not a norm- that is why alone-ness is not trendy. Being weird and different is not popular and is actually detrimental to your own social health and if you do not have other mitigating factors, is best to be social and positive.

Being productive is better than anything else and sports is only for the gifted and most of us go for the middle class office or technical jobs. Innovation is creation and no one likes a copycat, period. Sex is a taboo and not a norm. That is exactly why it makes it fun to poke fun at it and not display it all the time.

Chaos theory works as an approximation and works together along side like a domino effect and not caused by a singular minuscule event.

I have no idea how this world has come to this really crazy times and I suspect that people are just sick and tired of convention and think that the best way is then to seek the opposite. That I can rest assure you that, it will always come to a bad end when all the dust has settled, what used to work before will be used 99% of the time, the rest of the 1% is used to drive the rest of 99% of us that's all.

I can tell you that what works for most of us will continue to work for most of us, I will leave whatever 1% that have up to their sleeve or unravel themselves. That is a reason that some things are taboo and the point of breaking them is to extract some returns and when everyone starts to break all taboos, everyone is getting nuts and crazy. If there is no pattern to their behaviour, just sit still and wait for them to crash and burn. Well, I can tell you that just sitting still amidst the craziness is already the 1%. It takes a lot more to sit still amidst the craziness than to act amidst the craziness.

Good luck everyone. I hope the craziness will settle among themselves.

Stomach in, Chin Up.

You see some people believed in this particular concept without actually believing in themselves: emotional blackmail. This means that in the process of trying to convince others, they convince themselves of the rightness of their actions. There are other's whom believed in this utilitarian concept without actually knowing that they are actually applying it.

If you see someone whom justifiably so employs a certain tactic which whom they believed that they are adhering to a higher ideal in which it is for the general interest however disagreeable the tactic it can be, is in reality trying to fulfil an utilitarian ideal. This means that whatever they are doing which many people believed to be improper are justifiably so because they believed it would benefit everyone- this means that there are more happiness for more people in spite of the disagreement and displeasure of the "few".

Actually I am fully aware of the first, which means that people actively engage in emotional blackmail believing that the utility outweighs the moral degradation of it. Hence we break rules in the belief that it will be best for everyone. You see I am not saying such mentality is wrong as since the intention is often benevolent but the means is often misguided and the miscalculation is often that the colletaral damage is often much larger than anticipated.

This means that whoever that does the above for example, one is really in love with this person and believed that whatever one is doing is all for the person's they oftendo not see the that the action can often lead to unanticipated conseqeunces.

I have for some time already realise and I am not happy about many things but for the very reason that this utiliatrain idea is often just approximation in the person's head and no one can ever get it right. Hence I do not wish nor disprove the intention of a person because you don't prove another person's motive wrong but rather the approach is incorrect.

Hence I have been quite silent for some time, the questionable tactics of many for my reasoning is that they must be at the wit's end to come up with these rather desperate measures. Therefore, I do not say that you are wrong and you were incorrect for doing this but rather, I believed that in time to come, they would realise that the end result is often worse than one would have anticpated or have done nothing in the first place at all.

That is exactly why I often do not attempt to stonewall anyone but rather let things glide through simply because there are many things that cannot be forced. In this world of temptations and distractions, many things are never what they seemed. This means that it is easy to believe that euphoria is mistaken as love or some kind of positive emotions attached to a person or an act.

It would then take a brave person to believe that the next best thing is that surrender everything to someone bigger, older or more powerful than yourself- this is often called utilitarian love. This means that since I cannot find someone I love, I settle for someone that help me grow. This is a cop out and it is not love.

But of course, some older folks especially older men begged to differ and believed that they are the source of all forms of love- and passions is nothing more than uncalled for exburence. I have never said the opposite of passion is practicality but of course many would think as wrong and belived that they hold the key to everyone's happiness. Since everything will end badly, might as well go for something that will help you grow.

It is not my business, and it seems like a perfectly plausible argument but I can rest assure you that no one is happy. The men have their second wind and refusing to age gracefully, the women end up believing that they are happy with men old enough to be their grandfather sometimes.

60 year men going for 20 year old ladies is quite disgraceful in my view- I have no idea who these types of people can walk through life like they love each other. Let me rest assure that, there isn't any love there. I think it is like one is sympathy and the other is just close to paternal. It is bordering close to unspeakable.

But of course, I think I would incur the wrath of many of a older men whom believed that I have destroyed their very fantasy but they know it better than me what they feel so I need not say more.

Look, it is very easy for me to get angry for older fat men sleeping with young nubile women- which is like a travesty on earth but if it is not some older fat men, it would be some older horny men, what difference does it make to me any way.

I believed that everyone is old enough to know what they are doing and if they aren't someone would be telling them otherwise, it is not my problem that they think it is perfectly fine and are comfortable with this arranegement. personally, I would feel rather queasy to be seen going out with someone say 18 or 19 years old. The first question I would have is that what does she see in a guy say 13-15 years older than her. Are all her friends that bad and would I be taking away her youth because she is naïve and innocent. I have never met a mature 18 or 19 year old unless he/she screw up really bad earlier. Personally, I have too many reservations to even start thinking about it.

And so if these older men have no reservations and think it is perfectly fine, and assuming that this "love" thing makes sense, what can I say. wish you all the best and just hope both of you know what you are doing because me thinking about it already makes me uneasy no matter how easy it can be.

I think everyone needs someone to love, but it doesn't mean that this can and should lead to desperation. I think like the above, some people mixes these two together. By making someone desperate enough, one will fall in love- personally I never like to be force into anything- and if it is impolite to do so, I will simply zone out. There is no obligation on my end to anything just because someone forces you to make a choice.

Look my idea of love and relationship is very simple, if it is not right, something must be not right, no matter how one can make it otherwise. I think I do not like to be forced, tricked or manipulated into something which one would not otherwise have done. I make it sound like I am being chased and I have a choice. But it makes sense the other way around too. If I do not like to be trick or manipulate, I do not do to others. Even if I end as a monk and priest, it doesn't matter that I end up as one because I think it is more sad to do likewise.

Maybe, I am fated to be a priest or monk or my place leads to somewhere else, it doesn't mean that life is complete only by the very satisfaction of what I think is what other's consider is the only path in life. I really don't know.

And well, I would be quite angry if I have never experienced the trials and tribulations of love, triumph and human foilables, I can rest assure you that no matter how hard one tries, we are not perfect and that is why there is a word called an "ideal" and not "real".

So even if I do not settle down or have a family, I have my legacy in the people that I have influenced and the things that I have impact. I lived through every single one of them whom I have the privilege to meet.

That is why I never have regrets and I always walked through life with my shoulders held high.

The Second Coin

Nothing can and will ever replaced work. There will be nothing that can ever be replaced by actually working. And of course, there are some people whom attempt to skew this particular argument by simply making things so easy and comfortable for me that I will lose track of this.

I have never lost track of the fact working and doing something productive is doing something productive. Doing nothing is simply doing nothing. I can rest assure you that the last one year or so was not spent vainly trying to prove that doing nothing will ever work. Of course, there are some whom will begged to differ and will do anything to prove to me that doing nothing is good for you.

I am not sure whether anyone has realised that I have spend one year doing one simple thing: that doing nothing is not a solution but rather picking up alternatives is. I have replace work with selling everything that I have without getting any handouts whatsoever. And even when people make it so difficult for me to work, I looked them in the eye and tell them that they are wrong.

The reason I can do the same amount of work with less time is simply because I spend more time trying how to do things than actually doing it. You never see this process, you only see the end product.

I can safely tell you that nothing fell straight on my platter: absolutely nothing. Everything I have, I do it myself or I make a bet with myself.

People have for a long time make things hard for me than easy for me. Whether they do it because they believed that it was good for me, I do not know- all I know is that I have  never asked for handouts and no one have ever made it easy for  me at all.

Despite of all these discouragements from everyone, I will only smile at them and assume that they say what they say simply because they were afraid of things I do not yet know and I really do not wish to know as well. I cannot force anyone to like me or encourage or help me along but I can tell you that I never bear a grudge to anyone who do.

To bear a grudge against anyone who do is to spend one minute of your time worrying about how to get back at someone whom have a reason to believe in your downfall. That to me is a minute wasted on someone whom does not believe in you. I can safely tell you that every night, I sleep, I soundly like a pig because my mind is not concocting how to plot the downfall of someone else but rather how I can make that person convinced to believe in me.

To believe in someone is to have trust in someone, that to me is more important than anything in this world simply because it makes everything easier for you thereafter. Maintaining it is the hard part.

And even if someone does not believe you for some reason or for reason beyond your control, I always believe that in the dead of the night, everything will haunt you as you sleep. This means that the whole day will continue to reply in your head over and over again in your head- what happen. Such mentality will gnaw you more deeply and incisively than any defeat or insult.

Of course, if everything prove untenable and if the prejudice is more deeply set and there is no way that you can prove otherwise, you can simply move along and wherever you go, you can sleep more soundly than any anaesthesia can give you.

I am not that ambitious person, I can safely tell you that there are simply a lot more important things in life than to prove to everyone your worth and your pride. No matter how big your ambitions are, you are always constricted by what people can do. If people want to get you, they will get you.

The point is to find out why this person have a personal vendetta against you when you are doing your own thing. This means that this person must have something against you for some reason and there isn't a need to prove to such a person otherwise- because reason is not a strong suit in this particular case.

It is in my view that when you are lost in your thoughts and emotions, you tend to get lost in the big picture and if one is incapable to see beyond the narrow scope of the view of one's own- there isn't anything anyone can do except that an epiphany will hit you at some time- and if it doesn't, I can safely say too, the lost is not mine and your's.

That is why, whatever insults or criticisms people can throw at you- it is often the view of the man reducible to that the point of view one can comprehend and not that one knows what one is doing. If one really understands, I can safely tell you that one's point of view is as good as a piece of thrash. It is only as good as what other people value it to be. And if you have acquired a healthy sense of self-importance, I can rest assure you that many people do not give a damn at all.

I have said so many times about that many things are two sides of the same coin, but people always believed that they know better and so well, I can wish you luck about finding the second coin, and if you do, let me know- you have found the holy grail of knowledge.

Bulldozing Aggression

I am not sure whether people understand what ideology is about. I have began to notice a reverse discrimination- a sort of affirmative action and a reverse bias towards woman. I am not sure whether women actually realise it, but I would not be very proud of myself if for the reason I am chosen just to fill in the numbers.

I have always felt that women have a lot of potential simply because they have been short-changed for so long and I think that they actually start from a low base- at least from an economic point of view. This means that it is a given that males always have the privilege that now since women have more advantages than men, it would be easier to see the benefits then if they were not around.

I am not trying to give excuses or put down the achievements of women but I just think that since they have been given the first option for so long, and when given the chance, suddenly everyone start lauding what a difference women can make. Sometimes I wonder whether this has been overdone to the point that it has become ideological in that just because men cannot do some things, it is naturally assumed that women can do it better.

I am not going to be politically correct on this statement that aggressive women does not equate to effective "wo-men". The only reason that aggressive "wo-men" have it easier is that it is politically in-correct even to say that "women is worse" and hence "aggression" is the only premise of men. I am not sure whether some people realise that in this age of politically corrected-ness, no one wants to argue with the "aggressive" women because 1) it is politically incorrect to argue with women 2) everyone will say you are bullying a woman.

It is impolite to do all these simply because either way, you just don't look good. But of course women, does it see it in this way, they feel that they have every equal right as men to fight for whatever opportunities available. I do not deny that but what they never realise is that the opportunities available to them is also predicated on their ability to understand the context of their environment in the first place.

No one likes a bitch, and likewise no one likes a bossy and overbearing male boss. I am not sure whether they take this token political corrected-ness as their entitlement to run everyone down. This means that they have taken this "affirmative action" so far that they believed that it is their god given right to be so.

Personally, I do not attempt to run people down, regardless of whether they are men or women. But when a woman does that, it is doubly embarrassing for them because they are women becoming men. This to me has a double effect of making them so undesirable to men.

No matter what we can call equal gender rights or fair opportunities. The truth is that men and women are different. Most have run of the risk of taking advantage of the environment and forget who they really are in the first place: women.

I can reassure you that aggressive women are not welcomed by men. The only reason they are tolerated is that they get to do all the legwork simply because of their gungho attitude and nothing more. They will not be appreciated by men, this I can definitely tell you 100% for sure. Their only consolation is that they are useful to men, and that is as far as they can get with regards to getting affections of men.

I am not sure whether any women whose mothers who tell them that to be docile and submissive- are not that far off the mark, in terms of social evolution is concerned but this has been prevalent for thousand of years and I doubt it is going to go away just because we have computers and robots to do many of our work.

I really am not quite sure why women cannot thread the line between feminity and getting the job done. There are certain things that men cannot do due to social conventions that they are able to get away with. Women can flirt and get things way easier than men simply because it is getting away easy is never a welcomed male trait. If I am woman, the last thing I would throw away is my womanhood in exchange for being to be a second rate men.

Quite frankly, I am not sure what these women are thinking when they do such things. I personally have to worked such women but I can trust you that it is not that I am scared of them but rather, it is politically incorrect to be rude to them. They look bad in front of everyone and once it becomes a habit, it becomes every hard to shake off.

Can you imagine working with a lumbering bulldozer- not very pleasant right. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or woman. A bulldozer is only good for one thing: for bulldozing. And if I need one, I would get a man anytime than a woman.

So, all women should intellectually challenged yourself than to just ride the trends. I can rest assure you that you are not welcome anywhere with that behaviour I described above.

Happy boring.

You know that I have been trying to get jobs the last few weeks, the furthest I have went is to the recruiter's office and nothing more. I am currently studying for a Master's in Finance in a proper university and apparently, my past records speaks for nothing.

It is really quite funny that the last time I worked was end of 2011 and I did not work for the last 1.5 years. But I think employers are just curious about the large gap of about 1.5 years. My feeling is that employers are more interested in employees whom have a an extended period of time for a few years- regardless of the achievements.

My feeling is that this is symptomatic of the Singapore society. They are more interested in getting pennies in than fitting, and forming a docile workforce than to really working and finding work as an end to happiness and enjoyment in life. To them, work is only about bread and butter and nothing else. This means that don't see, don't tell, don't ask, don't do, and don't know, don't be bothered. That is feeling that I get even from the recruiters that the first thing they ask me is what have you been doing the last 1 year or so and not whether to authenticate my achievements.

This means that they are more interested in getting $200 this month and next month rather than finding that their work is meaningful. The only reason for all these chequered employment past is that everyone was trying to find work that is meaningful and not just getting that extra $100 here and there.

I am not sure whether how much they enjoy working like this and I can reassure you that if I will think like that my "selected achievements" line will not be longer than my "selected job scope".

But you see, I cannot do anything about forcing an employer to sign me on the dotted line no matter what I can say. But I think thankfully that I have sufficient job experience to move into another place to start afresh and at least in the worst case scenario, there will still be unemployment benefits.

But in this particular case, it is still works in progress but well, if this place are not open to people whom take chances. I think it is time to say goodbye.

Actually, I have sufficient wealth itself to lived quite comfortably but well, I will leave it to someone else to keep my investment and meanwhile, I will  make my way somewhere else.

Seeya people.

Calling each other Mummy and Daddy

You know I hate it when some people, just because they have families or have children, they have this idea that they have the first option on everything. The world will not have many things if this is true all the time. Leonardo Da Vinci never got married. Nobody knew who children of Abraham Lincoln and the third generation of any leader.

It is really quite funny that they have this idea that the whole world belongs to them just because someone calls them a father and just because of that some employers will give them the prerogative.

I can safely assure that it is entirely ideological in the sense where the state needs babies as much as they need the economic growth and then insofar that they have an easy ride because they need a horse for them to ride upon into the next generation. I am not sure whether people, the fathers or mothers actually realise this. But I find it damn irritating when someone throw the family card in a desperate attempt to get a job or anything. Maybe if you say it to make a connection, that would make more sense but just saying it just to make yourself like some papa smurf is very sad.

I have nothing against them but when they start throwing these type of desperate card, you almost have to bite your mouth to keep your mouth shut. 1) It is politically incorrect 2) you hate children. I am neither both, but I just find that it's cop out to throw that family card. In other words, you are just asking for the sympathy card but you are just too embarrassed to say it out loud.

Look you have children and you need money to keep it going but you if you know you can't keep one going, why the hell did you have children in the first place.

But well, the majority wins, the state needs children, everyone have a father or mother and no one really hates kids. The sad thing is that it is very sad thing to see the delibidating state of the parenthood.

Everyone have a biological clock but looking at this sad and quite corrupted state of parenthood, it makes one wonder, why does anyone have children in the first place without first thinking it through. I like to think I am the top 20% of any population and everytime I look at the state of parenthood, it makes me wonder why does anyone want to bring in a person into this world without really thinking it through that what they give to them.

In public places, where the little kid screams out "daddy' or mummy or the "wife actually call the husband, I almost always cringe. But it is very politically incorrect. But it is very easy to hit out on the young kids having fun and sometimes, I do that just because it was abit easier. But in reality, these large family moving around like they own the whole place, really makes me cringe a lot.

I like to have some "alone" time and I don't need anyone to tell me that my parents are working and I am out in a café doing my own thing- maybe I just enjoy it and I really don't need anyone to tell me that they are busy- because I know they are busy.

I have friends whom have children and their kids are very cute but it doesn't mean that I want to be like them. There are so many lifestyle choices- maybe the state does not priviledge us, that I can almost understand but it doesn't mean that you order one drink and have 7 people- 5 whom are children- you have the right to scream and make a din. I think people have a tolerance level- even political correctedness- hence don't push it.

Therefore I would suggest that before fathers and mothers think they own the place just  because they have some unruly kids running up and down, it does not mean that people like you guys very much. I moved alone, I can tolerate couples having lovey dovey moments- at least they are quiet, and so long as they don't do it just to elicit to other people attention and unruly younh teenagers criticizing their peers on their hair to where they sit- but I cannot stand is big families making a huge racket. Simply because they push their moral right so far that they make everyone irritated with them and everyone has acqueise just because other people's children is other people's problem.

Some managers should step in and set a line to these people because some patrons are suffering in silence as families is like people's religion, no one criticizes them. But some managers look like they don't give a damn at all. But well, after a while, in most places such as restaurants and cafes, it is these people that spend the most hence I am not sure whether these people know what they are doing.

But they will still continue to make a racket and I can only hope for one thing, to all wives and husbands, do not call each other mummy or daddy in front of everyone. It is very irritating.

You had me at hello.

I get stares all the time. It's like people are trying to tell me something but 90% of the time I have no idea what they are trying to say. I am not an expert on body language but I do know that if you notice a body language and it is done in contrived manner- this means that instead of talking, you want to tell a person something- simply by signalling- very often, this will backfire very easily.

For example, let's say, lets say your really like this guy and you desperately want to get his attention and for some reason is that you believed that for example, rather than let's go for lunch or coffee, you flick your hair or swipe your hair in a manner of agreement but an agreement of which no one knows what is agreeing about- then you have put this person in a spot. Since no one knows the question, then how does anyone knows the answer. And if no one really knows what is happening, how does anyone really respond in a manner which is "sociable".

A yes and no, is never a good enough. No one says yes without a "but" and no one says no, without a qualifier. Hence this manner of communication is really anti-social, unless you are a spy of which communication is only possible covertly. Hence since the possibility of anyone being a spy in anyone common social setting is close to zero, therefore isn't a need to engage in such tangential communication.

Look I am a vouyeur, as I walk through the common areas where people walked and passed by frequently or is extremely busy. It is extremely interesting to note how people communicate to each other without really talking to each other. They have the ability to talk to their friends and also signal to passersby their pleasure and displeasure. Sometimes, I don't know whether they are communicating to me or to strangers or are they talking to their friend.

The way  work is quite different. Like for example, when I am talking to someone, I am only talking to this person. This means that even if an elephant walks past, I would not signal to this person. I am not sure whether it is just me or the world has gone so small that everyone is talking to talking to everyone all at the same time without getting through anything.

But I have been began to notice that even people whom are talking to me are noticing all these people signalling all around them and I usually try to concentrate on what I say then bother with so many moving objects hence I am beginning to think that I might have send out the wrong message. I cant really see what is happening behind me or people walking past me from the side. I have no idea what intention they have or these people are intending to do- I just consider them as simply noise. Sometimes I wonder for example if I flick my hair or rub  my eyes, I am not sure whether they think that I am telling them something- I am wondering whether how come an eye cannot get itchy or maybe my contact lens is irritating me that's all.

I perfectly at ease if some stranger come up and say hi and ask how are you- and since this is not the culture around here- I normally just mind my business. Hence I find that all these non-verbal communication is really strange. Ok, if let's this opposite party sees it and understands it, and what is going to happen. If it is a perfect stranger, is it going to be sliding doors and that something surreptitious is going to happen- I am really curious about what goes on in the head of these people.

Are they afraid of talking to stranger but have desire of knowing them better- and in this case, how does doing nothing but flicking and no phone numbers, email addresses and anything is exchanged, what is purpose of the entire episode in the first place. Are you wishing that destiny sees this and somehow, something and someone will arranged for you to meet this rather star-crossed lovers. Its a romantic idea, I am not going to debunk it, but if you keep doing it to everyone, destiny is a faithful partner and it doesn't really like a fickle minded partner, how is that going to help your cause in any way- it continues to puzzle me no end.

And the other day, I spoke to this rather sweet looking cashier, and when I chat with her, she looks like she has seen death but flick her hair incessantly. I might have read her wrongly but normally, the straight road is the best route, and so I have no idea how to navigate this rather ambiguous route. But everytime, I see her, she looks like death to me. So I digress.

I might look a little fierce, but I always strike up a conversation with a cashier as much as I can and no I don't say you have nice hair, I would say like what is good, and normally I would get a deathly smile, and normally I would order my stuff and move along. And if I do see this particular server or cashier and see gives me the same reaction, I will still give a smile since I wouldn't probably be meeting her anytime soon I suppose.

Maybe people are too shy or maybe people are not used to talking to strangers or we just don't have the culture of making small talk, but I do know that if nothing is exchanged, nothing is exchanged, the likelihood of anything is close to zero. Hence why don't, when someone strike a conversation, have a chat, smile like you have met a friend you did not meet for a long time and maybe this person could be a valuable contact- who knows.

Since no one talks to no one on the train and on the bus, and since the likelihood I am going to see you again or remembering seeing you again is close to zero-unless you stalk me [ which I am beginning to think likewise because the coincidences can be so uncanny that it is almost unlikely] I am not obligated to respond in kind in anyway possible.

I don't bite, you can chat with me- and just don't sneak up behind me, because this is very strange. I can help you talk, just don't do really creepy things, I am sure you will find that you will be doing more talking than you expect to. If I look at you flicking your hair, there must be something to look at- and no, I am not going to say hi, not because I am scared, but I will scare you. We have no culture of doing so and I don't think most are comfortable anyway.

But I have done exactly the same thing at clubs and it helps that the darkness and booze lowers people's inhibitions but I have very creepy guys keep sneaking up behind me everytime I start talking to some ladies. It was getting on my nerve but well, I know he is trying to go in on the cheap but this type of behaviour will not get him anyway, and so I let him move around like a mosquito buzzing around my ears. I was in the army, I was used to it.

I have began to realise that this rather strange paranoia have driven people to do really strange things and I have even grown men with kids and mother's with kids signalling at me- which is the exact opposite, and that is totally inappropriate. These grown men looked at me like I had eaten their lunch and that look like they were entitled to something. I am not sure what they are entitled to, but all I know that so long as you have the money, you can go to the restaurant and order anything you want- that is your problem and not mine. I ordered my food and paid for it and so I have every right to eat anywhere and anything I want. You can if you want to, but I am not sure what is holding you back or my eating has interrupted your routine. Since it is a café, I don't see why I democratically cannot have anything i want.

Anyway, I like to think that I am a perfectly reasonable person with quite an accommodating nature- and some even expect me to difficult, but well that's my style, I only run people down with they have been unreasonable and in a social setting, I don't see why I should. But I did told this guy whom knocked my bag in a crowded train and I told him off- he gave me a stare down and I shake his hand and he was more embarrassed than he was when he didn't. You see the people around pretend not to hear anything. That is why, talking in train is just not appropriate.

Sometimes, it is so stressful to stand in the train station because sometimes you feel that your own presence is a hindrance to some people's amorous attempts. Its like a flick of hand or a tap on the phone is interrupting "the moment" with some person on the train. I am sorry, I wasn't doing anything, if it helps, just ignore that I am there.

You see as a person who does this professionally for some time, it might come easy to me while it is harder to other's, but I normally am not difficult to understand. You will find that the moment a chat is started,, you will talk more than I do. But if you think I was trying to make you look bad, or trying to tell you that I am better than you, there isn't anything that I can do about it.

The next time, you do see me on the train, you can chat with me, I am all open, I won't with you because I am afraid that you might feel uncomfortable.

Good night and Good evening

Dial in Now!!

I was in the train the last few days, the one thing that I noticed was that people have a tendency to cluster together no matter how uncomfortable it is. It is quite funny because, the amount of space that I have between the next passenger was like twice larger than the next carriage.

Maybe they really enjoy smelling the armpits of the next person and I suspect that they were afraid of speaking out of line than they are of standing next to a person maybe whom it is unfamiliar. But the funny thing is that in spite of the effort to make themselves smaller, they make themselves heard louder than the person next to me that he was almost whispering.

I really have no qualms about where they wish to stand, sit or even squat so long as they realised that people can see, smell and touch you. But sometimes, they look at people like they were some freak show- and that is exactly what makes them so insipid.

They are curious like an auntie in a market, pressing and touching the fish but have no intention to buy at all. It's perfectly fine if you don't wish to buy, but do not spoil it for the next person.

I was with this Caucasian guy opposite me, an Indian guy in front of me, some Filipinos somewhere, but some young kids standing and looking at some freaks in a carriage. This to me is very impolite.

If you do not feel comfortable, you don't need to look from the corner from eye, laughing among yourself and making some joke and trying to attract attention to yourself without really trying to do anything.

Do not treat others like they are in a zoo, because trust me others will treat you the same way when you overseas.

I really tend to agree what people say about Singaporeans- we are "cheena-pok", we are so afraid of everything that our instant reaction is either to be very loud- like some "Chinaman" just that we say it in English or alternatively pretend that the person doesn't exist or used this idea of numbers game. We are the more there are, the more fearless we get. This is like some juvenile gang by the street corner.

To be quite honest with you, we don't have an etiquette, we don't have charm, and we don't have anything going for us that make us very likable.

We think we are the best for a reason that escapes me when all we have going is that we clustering together that's all. Sometimes, I feel very embarrassed to be called a local. Everyone comes here to make money but have no idea what we do and the only thing that gets us going is the likelihood that some foreigner will bring us some sales. We make more money than most developed countries and we act like some hungry rats in the sewer sometimes. Rushing around like there was gold in the train or train.

Any train station is like a microcosm of Singapore society. You won't see the well-suited on weekends which would drive on weekends and leave them out on weekdays. But you will this close proximity everyone so angry. The young kids pisses off the old folks so much that it is like they looked resigned to the fate of the random behaviour of these children.

You can almost see the resignation across their face on the lack of manners and sometimes, a frown on how some young kids carry themselves. Personally I might have been out of touch since I have been caught up with things like about making money or seeing things practically, but even when I see online, the things coming out- like hatred and "please die" messages are like entertainment. No one takes all these seriously. And I don't expect anyone to take this seriously as well even the kids themselves. I am not sure whether the kids expect the older folks to be intimidated just by saying this type of "taboo" subjects- but let me be honest with you, it often manifest into the behaviour described above. Anything different is like a freak show.

Internet did not open their minds, that I can assure to the parents, but what they did was give them the tools to irritate people without trying to do anything. I watch videos on Internet and I also have some of those social media accounts but let me assure that the internet has a lot of information- a lot of them free, and don't use and watch all of them like it was unfliltered channels.

I was there even you knew what IRC was, I have even met people on IRC. And I also watch porn on the internet even before you guys know about playstation. They came in gif files and they were not "photoshopped" they were simply cut and paste onto naked bodies of famous people. I never got Lan gaming because I never liked anything I can do in real life which I have to do virtually. That's why I know you guys who flamed without any identity, sit in their own rooms with nothing better to do and cannot articulate anything to anyone face to face.

Internet is very useful, what you cannot get in real life cannot be gratified online. I don't want to sound like a grandfather lecturing, but I come from a generation when internet came in dial up and we have pagers before we have handphones. We have seen how this whole internet thing came from infancy without the baggage of a typewriter and letters. This makes me and my peers uniquely equipped to tell you that what you have now is simply what we did quite rudimentary. Do you know what does 1 177155 4 on the pager: It means I miss you.

We know exactly what you have in your mind and with all these equipments, This is nothing more than the same extension of the same spirit only  

We have our ways and so we know what exactly you guys have in your mind. There isn't a need to try to even fool what you guys do online. We were there even before you came from your mother's womb.

And so even if you try anything funny, we already go there way before you guys did.

At this current moment, we are abit slower on this account because we never quite needed them in the first place and that we spend more time outside than we on the computer because it was so slow and the games so rudimentary that it was so easy to master them.

There wasn't such thing call online gaming until way later and in order to come together, we had to come together and we have to pre-arranged a time because not everyone has a cellphone.

My suggestion in the future is that, don't messed around with your older brothers and sisters, you can fool your parents, you probably cannot fool us. We download free music and movies online even way before you guys have youtube and make yourself famous.

This means that we listening to eminemen even before you heard of "one direction". Hence for crying out loud, I think in the future, you try to outsmart anyone one of us, my suggestion is to run a quick check with your older brothers how does a 56 kpbs dial in modem sounds like and how does dos screen looks like too.

I Love, you Love- Everyone loves

We do not need to make choices if they are not put before them. This is not denial, but rather a form of categorical fallacy. For example, if I am not religious, it does not mean that I must believe in devil or is an anti-Christ. Similarly, if I do not show interest in something, it must mean that I show interest the opposite thing. Unless the things in discussion are ESSENTIALLY different things, some choices are simply false choices.

Like for example, when I do not do anything, it means that I do not want, incapacitated or simply passive. Choices- beyond the either/or can only increase with knowledge. Likewise, we are also limited by what we know- hence then can we say that we then doomed to die, since this is the only thing we will ever know for sure. Hence then how can our entire civilization survive for more than 5000 years.

Of course, there are certain things beyond our control- like where we are born and the social environment that we lived in. Choices are then imposed onto us by these environments that we lived in. Hence even if we are free to choose, we not are free to "choose". Therefore, communities often imposed these choices onto it's people and the more ideologically tight the community, the more tighter the implications.

Today, as I was taking the bus, I was left with this very simple choice: I could take the bus in which this pretty girl went up the bus but it was extremely crowded- and I would still get to my destination- or as this bus was approaching, another came almost immediately, which was emptier came- and I will still get to my destination- but I had to board this bus with a bunch of strange men. Hence the implications would be 1) since I did not take the bus with the girl, I must be gay 2) since I take the bus with the strange men, I then must be gay. I chose the second bus, simply because I didnt know this girl and the chances of getting a seat was easier in the second. By the fate or choice of some supernatural force, since the bus almost came at the same time, can I be seen as gay since I chose to have a seat then to follow a a strange girl.

What if the bus with the strange girl came first and I didnt see the second bus, I would definitely take this bus, since in this case- it just makes perfect sense- since I do not forewarned knowledge that the second bus was coming in ths first place.

Imagine you are playing Sim City and you are god or the bus authorities looking down at your citizens and decided to arrange this pattern, can you make a conclusion that this "citizen" is gay.

I have once said that our lives are made by the choices that we make, and for some reason, by the hand of fate or some supernatural force, i am not able to get what I want or missed on something because I make incorrect decisions, can I then rue myself for always making the wrong choices. No you can't, because you make it to your best ability and unless you do not, you would then rue all the choices that you have make in your life.

I have consider myself not as hyper-successful person nor as a man which attempts to win the popularity contest, I consider myself as a man whom who will do everything to the best of my ability within my given means and to the best of my knowledge and understanding. If it is not good enough for everybody, it is good enough for me- I fear being judged, not by some random person on the street, but by myself- and as there are certain things that we will never know, and if then, I will leave it at that.

Goodnight

Eugene

 

Melt the Pot

There are people whom for a certain reason are more interested in me than I am more interested than I am in myself. Hence perhaps, they know my whereabouts, habits, likes and dislikes better than I do. And so much so that they can accurately predict almost what I intend to do next or intend to do. For this particular reason, there are some whom knows about my backgrounds expect too also the people they themselves perhaps are interested too and hence expect also to know that maybe they could get to know people from whom I supposedly know.

Therefore, I would expect a long bevy of people whom actually knows my habits, and actions and therefore in effort to gain attention of people whom they are interested in too, try to make me a little different from the rest- or in other words, make me look bad or worse than I actually am. These are things I am actually quite patently aware of, but I really did not do anything about it simply because, it would be futile to prove something that I myself am not even aware of. And at the same time, if people are all out to prove to your detriment, there is nothing you can stop them, unless they face you face to face and chat with them the reason for this particular action- otherwise if they are bent on making you stupid even if it is false, there are really nothing you can do about it.

Yesterday, I was at Holland Village having some beverage and really doing a little bit of writing. And due to the manner of the seats and the availability of them, I simply picked the one most convenient and looking the most comfortable. It did not matter that I was facing a bunch of people I don;t really hang out with-simply because I assume that since they are there in a social gathering, they should be able to conduct themselves in a manner of which is non-intrusive to those seated around them. In which they did. Hence since I was not disturbed and I was more than happy to sit there for a couple of hours.

I have seen this bunch of people before and I recognized them, they are young, daring and have a youthful alternative appeal. I then began to notice, many people casting really judgmental eyes and making me look like I was like their ring leader or something. [ In reality, most of friends were normal as hell and I am neither of the above actually- at least not to the extend of putting tattoos and studs in the noses.] For some reason too, really strange people whom I have seldom actually meet in real life began to walk in- these were people from all over the world and some people are really fascinated by this and began to follow me in as well as follow them in. There were more white people than I can remember in Singapore- I began to see them more and more often in coffee shops. There were Spanish speaking people the other day, Filipinos, Vietnamese, french, Americans, Brits, Indonesians, Indians and of course locals. There are about 1 million foreigners in Singapore and it is literally that the small coffee house contained like a dozens of different nationalities.

I was in the bus earlier, I was sitting next to several Caucasians, Filipinos, Indonesians and Japanese housewives- in a bus, excuse me. Maybe these snoopers thinking that I always surrounded by these melting pot of people are looking for some action- continue to display hyper-defensive attitude and make them look a little more available than most.

Actually i am aware of these little actions that tries to massage the context and environment which I situate in- normally once again, I let it slide simply because if the snoopers had made the effort to do this, what makes you think that there are other snoopers waiting too, to do something otherwise.

I am just fortunately unfortunate and if for some reason, like the previous entry I had indicated, they engage in these premeditated and calculated manner- they are really psychopaths and stalkers with no personal respect for privacy or really they want it so bad, that they are willing to do anything and these people are dangerous to handle. I just let them their fifteen minutes of fame, insofar that they keep quiet and allow me to do my thing.

Even if I look like Frankenstein or guppy, I will make them look fabulous insofar they do not intrude into what I am doing. [ by the way, there was this guy whom was sleeping and intruding into space- I just gave him big tongue lashing]

Good Night

Cheers

Eugene

Phallus Symbol

I realise that some people will do anything perhaps just to gain an upper hand on anything. That includes the perception and projection of power. This is especially so if you have lots of experience and have an idea roughly how to project that and to gain compliance from people willingly, unwillingly, consciously or subconsciously. This ability is coupled with prevailing values, some psychological word play, a lot of figurative arm twisting and some form of latent bribery- of give and take between people of mutual interest.

It is not that I do not recognize that in real life, it is just that I find it chore to always watch every single gesture, and to time that to perfection and in sync with other people's mutual interest. In reality, I know that I have been a victim of alot tomfoolery regarding how I absorb things in class, and really the perception I project out to the opposite sex. I totally recognize that and at times, I was sort of "played out" in this manner. It is not that I do not care, but I really just find it a chore to do things in such a contrived manner that possession is like a manner of simply gaining compliance and acceptance. Perhaps, in this manner, in the conventional world, these people would probably be more successful in getting what they want- and that I do not deny- but I do not see any meaning in just in this particular case: a possession for possession sake.

My assumption in this case is that: for you or for one to act in such a calculated and premeditated manner, you must either be a psychopath with no respect for boundaries or that you must really want it so badly that you would act in a manner which you would give up many things in order to possesses it. Either case, I am not in the business of 1) being Clarice Starling in Silence of Lambs but in a wolf in sheep clothing's way 2) bother with one which obviously puts a price so high that he does not mind being seen, projected or spend as such.

I was watching David Letterman's interview with a young and beautiful actress: Jennifer Lawrence and I can totally relate to that above. He was simply planting in her head to say yes to a figurative "sexual act" by the manner of placing his hands and in phrasing the question in a manner which she could not say no. Either way, she fears offending him or basically saying something that isn't true.

Hence then the after effect would be that in the second meeting, Jennifer Lawrence cannot help but remember that she had said yes to a "sexual act" by way of figure of speech- but in reality, she really did not have a choice at all.

I am not going to act pure or anything or pretend that I am really a saint, and I am not. The difference is that I do it in manner which unambiguously open and always leave open a choice- I do not engage in covert psychological word play- and make the opposite person feel guilty or wronged that she led me on. In other words, she doesn't have a choice but to sleep with me simply because she said "yes" earlier.

Can you imagine if David Letterman interviewed her for the second time- for work or otherwise- and he did the same gesturing again and perhaps creatively switching the question instead, would Jennifer Lawrence have a chance to say no, and then maybe for the third time and the fourth time: do you then see the pattern. And eventually then, Jennifer Lawrence, oh well, might as well. Since she cannot win it, might as well just join in.

And on David Letterman's part, there is really nothing to lose: He will get to keep the job since she is above 18 anyway, and maybe will even increase his viewership and appeal.

In reality, I am a victim of the above myself, which means that my peers and I have been sidelined simply because of this projection of power on the female audience- and well since they have "bribed" my peers somewhat and they are in a position of authority, there is nothing much we can do about it actually. I did not pander to their wants because I did not want to corrupt my learning, even if I have a corrupted mind. Even if I get a lower grade or harder task, I would rather work harder, rather exchange for something as ephemeral as this. I would rather look bad or look stupid and walk out learning a little bit more than having learned nothing at all simply because the teacher gave me an easy time.

The teacher flipped on the words and said one thing one time and said another, another time- well other students kept quiet, well, they really don't care that much because the teacher gave them an easy ride.

I knew everything was premeditate and calculated, I just let it slide simply everyone have short changed themselves. The teacher lost the basic spirit of teaching, the students lost the spirit of learning. Well for the female audience, I can only say that do not try something you are unsure of and think that you can outfox them. Ask yourself, who is on your side, not tomorrow but rather 10 years later and then you will get your answer.

I will leave it to everyone to decide what is best for them.

Nights all.

Eugene

P/S: Look below for the video, and watch how Jennifer Lawrence was so uncomfortable at certain points and how when the sexually-laden questions are asked, where is David Letterman's hands-cue it it's a phallic symbol.

Your conscience

I have been smart and I always have a way around things. At the same time, I have an uncanny ability to know what people want. This makes me more important than I am actually made out to be.

I have ability to connect to people and somehow flesh out their inner most fear's and make the best out of them- I also have the ability to see people on all different levels. The difference however is not mutual. This means that I know what people want and that doesn't mean people know what I want.

The problem becomes extremely chronic when everyone has an vested interest in me- and everyone thinks that they have my best interest at heart and knows exactly I want or should want- but in reality, they merely project their wishes or desires onto me. They merely see what they don't have or wish to have onto me- and for some cosmic reason- that they would attain a certain amount of fulfillment from that.

You can only do that if you are an inanimate object like God or some idol where the only response- you would get is one asking you to do your own part and not projecting your own image onto somebody else. This is further compounded by the emotional attachment and investment that some have placed onto me as I am able to reflect their fears and desire in a manner of which they have hardly felt such intensity for.

Hence they have unhealthy possession over something which they do not know very well- thinking that they have a right over something simply because a connection has been made. Hence they have placed me on a pedestal of which I am quite unworthy of. I have become nothing more than a collection of qualities which they believed to be idealized version of someone they aspire to be or should be or want to be.

Maybe, I am better in many areas than many but that does not make me an ideal. Hence the only response for many hence is not one of understanding or recipocricity but rather one of master/slave, higher/lower, worker/manager type of relationship- simply because any other way makes me that difficult to understand. They justify all these actions simply circularly believed that they have the right hence they can do what they want.

Maybe the above is all really just very abstract things to most, but in sum, what this means is that, when you have the right or believed that you have the right- justify by some reason that you deemed is altrusitic or otherwise; which crosses the conscience barrier-, it doesn't mean you can do anything. Just because you can doesn't mean that you should. I can evoke the conscience argument again, but it just simply means that, some part of you will die when you do that however you strongly feel about that.

Eugene Signing off.

When it is time, it is time

There are many guys whom have absolutely the wrong idea about me. They have the idea that I know everything but in reality, I am just being used by women to get what they want from men. I am nothing more than the bait and the reward is nothing more than stringing all the guys along just to get what they want. I am not too sure who is the guy who really got fooled. The guy who got fooled the most is the one led by the nose by the actions of others rather than the person who is being targeted as the fool.

In reality, I am already privy of what they want in their head, most of the time, I sit there and watch the show and see human nature in display. There is nothing more instructive than seeing the explosive actions of which is really just un-expended energy in display and demonstrating their motivations. Their motivations are so easily being exposed simply because they did not use their head to think. They have used their desire and other emotions to dictate their actions causing them to be utterly exposed into what will motivate them. When I know your bottom, I know how to price myself. Apparently, the price of many in reality is so low that it is really easy to get what they want.

And in reality, I am really their best friend rather than their main competitor. The very fact that they see me as their main competitor already exposed their position and that they have thrown their hat into the ring and would have name a price. To tease the ego abit, the would have to raise their exertions insofar to get their pot at the end of the rainbow. But eventually what they did was to approve every single action that I did that was to their interest and then insofar see who will put in the most effort and viola- either way she wins- simply because the option is on her end and not their's.

Hence even if she does not like the end product, she simply walk away with all the previous gains that have been accrued. How does one lose in such a bargain? Someone have to pay for all the option and at the end of the day, she can still reject it regardless of the price and effort. This means that throw in your money, and if I don't like you at the end of the day, I get to keep everything you give me and you get nothing. There is nothing you can do about it. You are paying for an option she can exercise- what logic is that?

Luckily, the commodity only runs for a good 10 years, until the person turns about 30 when the value really starts to drop and with each passing year, new faces with more fashionable exterior will come in and commanding more popularity hence, this value- or perceived value in many will really start deteriorating with each passing day literally.

Hence I have no idea why some guys view me with such vehemence when literally, I am just a tool played by woman- and in reality, I didn't even do anything- you did, or rather you think that I did.

Woman who like you will never lead you on- that is something I know for sure. Hence if you are led by the nose by some woman, you better ask yourself why. She doesn't like you at all- the choice is always yours.

That's why I know those that avoid you the most, are the one's who can't bear to see you the most. That's why, you must try the hardest- that's if the feeling is mutual- until when it is best to move on.

Be-early Valentine's Day.

I have nothing going on that is.

Nights

Eugene

The Youth

We are only young once-some might say. The funny thing that when I was younger, I have never thought that my youth was any of a commodity. But there are some whom will beg to differ. Your youth only stretches as far as when you are 30- anything after that, you are no longer fresh and juicy, you might be considered too tough for consumption or too bitter to be palatable. Hence to many, youth is highly prized.

The youth on the other hand do not know what they have. It is in their belief that being young, frivolous and demanding is their prerogative and believed that everything should be handed on a silver platter for them. Hence they have a tendency of placing themselves on the top shelf thinking that their value is unquestionable. Their value is unquestionable insofar that they are young- the value itself is fungible and decaying, hence sometimes I wonder where they have the confidence to have an attitude of indifference, a nonchalance which only comes when by inaction begets positive attributes. Insofar that as far as I am concerned, the value of youth is such that of youthful enthusiasm untainted by realistic constraints of life, energy which only comes from a hopeful attitude towards life, an innocence which is charming insofar that does not see the road ahead of you- a natural paternal and maternal instinct which is evoked by nostalgia. Beyond that, the value of youth is nothing more than energy and nostalgia.

I am able to observe this behaviour because I dress myself as nothing more than their equal and attempt to mingle with them like nothing more than their equal. The reaction is very often rather canny- the attitude of innocent nonchalance or a devilish impudence. They do not realised that they have been led to believed that they are extremely valuable but does not realised that their turn is coming up soon pretty soon in the next few years or they wish to levered on the physical differences and aim to extract the maximum value from it- not realising that the extraction is not that valuable considering that youth is literally everywhere.

For the former, they have put themselves so high up on the pedestal that they do not realized that they have been artificially held up by people much older than them- hence they have eyes so high that they believed that their value would last forever and when a few years later, they realised it is no longer true as there will always be younger people, the world would go crashing down on them.

For the latter, they do not realised that it is only when they are younger that people would want or care to teach you more things but when you chose the fastest or the easiest route- you literally lost the chance to gain experience from people around you. And when you are older, no one will teach you simply because you are expected to know.

It is a cultural belief for older men to go for younger women, they have legitimize this simply by convincing everyone around them- including the young women and themselves- that it is worth all the effort. The young women of course does not know that they are on a rotating door of younger women that's all- because they cannot see anything below them or did not look below them. The younger women believe that simply because the pedestal is so high such that the ordinary man cannot reached the same level- but really the only commodity she have is youth. She is simply too expensive for her peers- she is better off to be displayed at branded shop window- but she does not realised that her value is fungible, but she will, and plastic surgery will become her desperate measure. That to me is of little value- unless I am a tycoon looking for a arm candy or wall flower at home.

The latter on their hand cheapen themselves insofar to gain more resources faster. I might have been guilty of this- without realising it- but it is always best to withdraw when you are no longer able to sustain it. But ethically, I am clean as a whistle but there are other's whom want to get the shortcut to success without taking a risk. I took a risk, I know but for other's they want to bend the rules without putting themselves up for sale. It doesn't work that way. They want to get through life by offering themselves and thinking that the youth will get through the doors of success faster than anyone whom did not work for it. I worked for it, just faster; they did not work for it, but they want it faster and easier that's all. Hence the tactics employed is often that of emphasizing the age differences and benefits resulting from this age differences. I must say, some more experienced people still fall for that simply because it is easier to go along with that rather than suffer the agony of being teased at for being older and less physically mobile and also having to prevent oneself from being outside the "clique". But people never think, who benefits more being in the "clique", not you but them. This is "school" all over again, just that it is not geek or the fat boy but the old guy or spinster at the corner or at the corner office.

Having been through the first 30 years of my life, taking in the benefits of youth- I looked back and not with nostalgia but rather reflecting on the differences in the behaviour. My friends have graduated from this youthful period, they have married and become relatively successful but somehow I do not see them with much envy. But rather that, I suspect they can never let go of their youthful aspiration just because one reaches 30. One simply did not turn from hopeful to mature and experienced by a switch of a number, hence in their mind- and I have seen it with my own eyes as well- They are guilty of the perpetuating the above as much as they are of younger set taking advantage of it today. Why: I know the difference and I feel the difference- there is a difference- I mix with them, on the same level, context and playing field, and I can't get even relate to them. They didn't even try.

If I can feel the difference- and it is only a few years, what more of those older than me- or much older- you are responsible for the present state of matters as much as the youth are responsible for their "guilty" or "sinful" ways.

Blame

There is a tendency for people to construct a reality of which to their particular advantage. When we walk into shopping malls, the architecture is such that it is created to maximize eyeballs and traffic into particular areas. Music are played to the effect that influence buying decisions. This works only if you have a particular outcome or objective in mind: of which perhaps is to maximize traffic flow or increase sales.

This on other hand, does not work if you do not know what you are going to do next or especially things that you are not able to quantify. The only effect that one would achieve from such structured patterns is such that the ultimate outcome is something quantifiable and not something experiential. Insofar, this is because, experiential in itself is not quantifiable.

Can you imagine going to a shopping mall- where it's only objective is say therefore to make everyone happy but does not really know how to measure it. Ultimately, what happen is that people would come into the shopping mall would come yes, but they will not leave and neither would they buy anything whatsoever- simply because being there makes them happy.

Hence when we attempt to circumvent reality of which to create decisions to our particular advantage, one must be clear of what one is trying to achieve. Rather than, haphazardly having one singular objective in mind, be it benign or malign, the ultimate outcome would always turn out to your disadvantage- simply because you paid too much effort into something that you don't even know what you want from it.

When you walk into embassy or imposing government institutions, the architecture on the other hand foreboding. The doors are small, and the structure is almost concrete in nature- and sometimes can be quite unfriendly. There is a sense of tension and security within the environment- this is to create a sense of safety and power onto the audience. Imagine, if one is attempting to build a shopping mall-like embassy, do you feel safe walking into your country's embassy and with "Lana Del Rey" playing in the background and people idling away at the cafe sitting for hours with their laptop. You would think someone is conducting a surveillance mission there.

Hence therefore, when we wish to circumscribe reality and especially one whereby someone is trying to create a decision to it's particular advantage, it is best to think of what one is trying to achieve rather than an unadulterated pursuit of one particular objective.

Therefore, one should not blame people for not buying from a shopping mall with an embassy-like architecture and silence as it's background noise. One should really reflect on one's incapability to manipulate mise-en-scene to it's best advantage rather than blame on the audience incapable to play ball with what is really just inept contextual construction.

Never blame the customer/audience, blame yourself for not understanding them.

Remember who is the active and passive actor: Why should the passive actor be compelled to be active in the first place. And you blame the passive actor for being actor- so do you blame the dog for being a dog?

The Hole and the Images

A few years back I was watching this rather nondescript film called "The Hole". It's been quite a few years and so I might not be able to remember the exact storyline. But it was not about the storyline: it was actually about "the hole".

In the movie, a bunch of teenagers discovered a hole- "a bottomless pit" which seems to lead nowhere. And if I remember correctly, one of them actually fell into the "hole" and discovered all the fears that have been harbouring in the head and eventually manifested in the "hole" which came and haunt them.

The best part was that before dropping into the "hole", they put a video camera in and they saw the images of a: "one eye monster". But when they actually fell into it, it was actually a bottomless pit filled with their own personal demons.

The "hole" was not a gateway to hell, it was your personal "hole"- your little "lack" of which you constantly strive to compensate your whole entire life. Your personality was built around this "little" hole. The bigger the hole, the larger the compensation. There is an adage to the "empty vessel making the most noise"- and this is form of which crystallizes your own personal psychological state.

I have recently noticed the insecurity of many men. The post-industrial age means that strength and other forms of archaic skills are no longer relevant- and insofar then masculinity are tied to these images of times of which the hunter-gatherer, the knight, the steel mill worker dominate the popular landscape. Today's men are so confused that they jumped onto any fad of which to justify their manhood.

The images of Western cowboy, gun slinging in the wild Wild West and with Marlboro cigarette still dominates the modern landscape. In place of western cowboy is the rebel without a cause, James Dean and in today's age, these images continues to stick in popular culture, trying to demonstrate unbridled masculinity in face of the cigarette being the anti-thesis of healthy living and living a life long enough to show your real manhood. The cigarette is the little hole called the manhood of which everyone attempts to find the justification for their differentiation from "La Femme".

In the movie, the image of scarred childhood dominated by a violent father haunt one of the characters, in popular images, it is the fear of the "La Femme" which defines one masculinity. It is not the violent father but rather, the fear of being obselete which haunts the modern man. Definitively male products is defined as aggressive lines but not practicable in real life. One can say that the interest which separates our division of labour previously is no longer congruent with popular values.

Therefore nostalgia and fantasy have us believed that we can have what we want and eat it as well. James Dean died before he reached 30, there was a recent show called "Cowboys versus Aliens" and that really sums it all up.

But lest we become obsessed with proving our manhood, rest assured that history have shown that are  these popular images of "unbridled masculinity" is really just popular "images" of history. For every hunter, there will be a person which sharpen the tools and the scout, for every knight, there are hundreds of pike man, for every steel worker, there are always factory and assembly line workers. In this modern age, the sportsman, the banker, the Internet entrepreneur, there are also thousands more that slogged every single day hoping to climb the rat race.

The rites of passages which defined the coming of age of yester years are nothing more than glamorized version of the progress of human culture and civilization which quite conveniently forgot about all the little people that made it possible for the world to tick today. These are snapshots of the past and not the reality. Your crisis that you faced now, is the same one that they faced 10,000 years ago, 2,000 years, 1,000 years ago, 100 years and yesterday. 100 years from now, the sportsman, the banker and the Internet entrepreneur will be nothing more than today's knight. No one actually believes them. And no, no one wants to live in that age anyway.

Hence, in today's winner's take all world, any way to differentiate oneself without really putting that much of an effort is really just a way of showing a difference without really adding value to yourself. The cigarette, the car and even the androgynous look have proven to be shortcuts of which is nothing to demonstrate the biological difference which translates into essential differences- which of course is expected to translate into tangible and material benefits. But if you think a little harder, really?

Hence, everyone really have a "hole", before you dropped into it, you will catch the glimpse of that "one eye monster", and when you dropped into it, you normally never like what you see and your video camera is really the crutch to avoid dropping into the hole- thinking that one can actually benefit without being curious and standing at sidelines looking in. You want to see what is inside, but you never see it until you confront it.

Buy yourself a camera and all you ever see is images.

Hence the strategy of many people is very simple. They never would want to jump into the little hole of their own but rather other's take the jump and transmit the images but unfortunately, all they would ever see is the eye one monster. Hence they fear the hole even more than before they first knew about it. This is the crux therefore of all envy, jealousy and latent rage. Everyone thinks that they have won but really all they ever saw is the one eye monster everyone else also see.

No one can have the cake and eat it as well.

Have you ever realised that not once did I ever mentioned about the materiality of the circumstances- it was never about me, it was always about you. In similar terms, have I said anything about you as well. Have i portray my friend, the person sitting next to me or anyone as a personal demon? It's your personal hole, and not mine. The little girl that crawl out of the hole in the second trailer and the little clown is your little nightmare that led you scrambling from door to door- closing one after another. No one closed the door, you did it to yourself because only the little boy saw it and the teenager saw it- no one did.

What about competition/comparing, about right/wrong, early/late, brighter/duller, about virtual/and real, about authentic/plastic, about passion/interest. Not once did I alluded to that. They are material because you saw the girl climbed out of the hole. You were scared- you did not know what was that.

Take care.

Have a drink and lie down.

What are you made off?

Have anyone taken a roller coaster? Have you been to those run of the mill type of roller coaster where they just basically swing you wildly and that's about it- and you have never visited those at Universal Studios- and then they tell you that this is as good as it get. You had a good time and you never question because whether there are better roller coaster out there- because well, you really had a good time.

One day, you sat on this roller coaster that no one has ever sat before and it was a ride that was so exhilarating that when you go back to your common roller coaster, you really felt short changed. When everyone tries to convince you that this roller coaster that we have here is the best, and then you screamed to their head, it is not true then, all other experiences must be compared with that one roller coaster ride isn't it.

Cynicism's is not bred from apathy, it is bred from seeing other's from inside out which one can relate to. It has nothing to do with being tired or experienced or just condescending.

It is precisely because we have seen what life can bring that we see the futility of the life of many other's. On the other hand, we do not despise the way that other's live but rather empathize with the quality of the life that they have lived.

Many have mistaken life is enjoyment and moralizing is simply a hindrance on the guilty pleasures that life can bring. Trust me, you can take that same roller coaster ride every single day and enjoy that moment as often as you like and that I would still tell you the same thing. It is not because I am not convinced, it is just that if life is only about experience than let me tell you- there is always better ones out there. You can stand in your roller coaster and laughed all those scared little people afraid to take this thrill but I can tell you that it is not about sitting in that roller coaster that matters.

But it is about walking to the roller coaster when you are scared that matters. It is not about banning all roller coasters because it disrupts productive life but rather about how you walk up to circus master and tell him to stop. It never did involved any roller coaster in the first place.

I have seen many a people who have stood on roller coaster and laughed at the cowardice of everyone else. I have seen people standing outside the circus and protesting against their existence. But most of all I have seen the most is that of people looking at the ruckus caused and just watched. That is apathy.

Many people have mistaken quality of life with enjoyment of life. Many have swing so much to either end that they think decadence is the one way and another believes that living a moral right is the right way. Either way requires you to look at life straight in the eye and tell it what you want to do. The other way would be to just look away and pretend that someone knows it better than yourself what is life about.

Not everyone can be a star on a big stage but everyone can be a star of their own life- that much is pretty clear. Living vicariously through another person, entity or abstract concept just means that you allow someone else to take over your life. But are you ready for that yourself in the first place?

I'll leave it to you to decide.

Eugene

My Boogie

How do you define as a social relationship. For some, it is seen as a gainful social interaction of which is characterized by a cordial engagement. This means that all social interaction is formalized by the very fact that one must have direct verbal conversation to consider as a typical social interaction.

Hence then insofar perhaps, Micheal Jackson must be the most social person since his words are heard by millions and billions of people but where the opposite party is not heard at all. Social interaction is not just defined by this particular manner. Any form of action of which derives a social function of which to communicate a certain message in any way is consider a proper social interaction.

Hence when one act in opposite reaction of which is expected and insofar that he/she is trying to tell me something- be it hostile or otherwise- is consider a social interaction.

In recent times, I have began to realise that everywhere I go, everyone is trying to tell me something. It is like everyone single moment, everyone is screaming into my ear and grabbing my eyeballs and telling me that come and look me and hear what I have to say. I never get bored of this silent communication of which sometimes I honestly find it rather amusing.

Sometimes, I almost feel the world knows me better than I know myself. It is like trying to anticipate my every single thought and every single move. Everyone is my friend and my enemy all at the same time. I feel like I am Mark Zuckerburg with friends everywhere I go of which knows everything about me but I nothing about them.

Things always happen around me for some apparent reason- and I consider this as one of the most social activities in this world. Can you imagine being known without needing to introduce yourself and for some apparent reason, even when no red carpet is being rolled, it never ceases to amaze the extend of which developments unfold of which to capture my emotional salience. This require more effort than treating me like a star.

You ask me whether I have friends, I have friends everywhere, I make interactions every single minute of my life. Initially, it feels like it is extremely intrusive to my privacy but I began to see that the amount of effort everyone puts in to instill a level of emotional salience- be it benign or malign- is almost flattering. Can you imagine being the centre of the focus all the time without trying.

If all actions are couched towards advocating a certain emotional reaction, insofar then I consider this as a social interaction- why: because it is trying to tell me something, because you are "talking" to me- even though half the time I don't know what you are trying to drive at.

Sometimes, I think the world knows me better than I know myself. It is trying to warn me about things, trying to morally guide me and of course also get angry at me. If these emotions are not social, then what is: it is me who is anti-social whom is quite incapable of agreeing with them or replying them back. Therefore, I like to apologize to the world for all the time and effort into impressing upon me the existence of my inner most fears and desires and me not able to acknowledging them all of them. It is really a shame the amount of fruitful intentions into communication that insofar that I am quite incapable of acknowledging every single one of them.

 
The biggest form of flattery is always imitation- be it to impress or to frustrate. Although, I get irritated when people imitate or follow my every single move- I must say that it must have hit a raw nerve inside of them to really remember the minute nuances of my actions. My little muscle spasm or my nonchalant swipe at boogie in sometimes not so private areas. I really thank you for all the gentle reminders of which much effort must have been laid to impress upon me my most gentle actions is under tight scrutiny. You must really hate or loved me for making all these arrangements insofar to remind me of my unfounded insecurities.

I would like to say I am extremely insecure about exposing my most private moments of which to show my most vulnerable sides. Everything that is arranged to hit a raw nerve, really did hit a raw nerve.

Hence in response to the overwhelming demand of which to hit my most vulnerable areas and weakest spot, I would like to congratulate you that you have succeeded and I feel extremely insecure about showing my ugly and unsavoury side and at the same extremely guilty to succumb to human sins of which it seems only I should be impervious to. Trust me, I really do hear you and feel for you and feel your efforts. It really hurts so bad that I find it difficult to express in words.

Everyone is so nice to me and so cordial to me and at the same so socially inviting to me- even though I would have to expand the definition a little- that I feel terrible for not responding in kind.

Therefore I would like to take this moment to express my gratitude towards me for showering me with so much time, effort, coordination, patience and communication- and all other qualities- of which to remind me that I have no privacy that I feel you and I just like to say that: The pleasure is all mine.

P/S: A big boogie just came from out my nose. It is extremely satisfying to say the least.

Cheers

Eugene