Pandora's Box

This was written at Coffee Bean in town at about 5 something on 22/1 Tuesday:

When I was university, I wanted any girl- anyone will do- I just went for the any Mary or Jane. I am not sure why- because I think it was time to be stupid I suppose. But I went home with a bachelor and merit at the end of three years in spite of spending the night before the exam at the karaoke anyway.

When I was 17, I don't even want a girlfriend. The only reason I had one was because my head was bursting just before the exam and I had to tell someone that I sort of crush on and we got together after the ' O' levels- just so I can clear my head. True story.

But anyway, she believed it and we moved along and I still managed to make it to university and was in school football team and was the class rep all at the same time- and so you can still suck it. I am perfect I know.

When I started to work, all I ever wanted to do was to get my mom off my back just so that she won't come after me. I quit once and told her I wanted to be a writer- and she flipped.

Ok, the writer thing didn't work out but I was an editor of a one off magazine which was started by a few guys I met over the Internet. It was one issue and I did the editing.

Then one day, I looked into my account and realised that there wasn't much money and hence I decided to start work again and the writing thing became a part time thing. And suddenly 3 years after graduation, I felt an insane urge to do well- so I worked my ass off.

Not sure why, that 2-3 years of my life brought me to this point. Now, I can safely tell you that I can walk into any firm and they will hire me on the spot. Just so that my 2-3 years is worth 20 in many people's c.v.

And when you have such a c.v- everyone treats you like the boss and it helps getting whatever you want. People come to you and not the other way around.

Women I would have to say become quite dispensable- I have to say. But not to say that it was one-sided, they have made use of me too so I have really nothing to complain.

I really don't think a lot about my ex-girlfriends really. The only time, i ever remember is when people reminds me about it. And I really don't see why people is so hung up who I go out with or whom I have went out with.

Although, sometimes I wish we were still together but when we have broken up, we have broken up and if you have ability to court her- please be my guest. There is a reason that everything didn't turn out fine and if you so wish and if anyone is up to it- I won't stop you. It's her life and not mine to say no- regardless of whatever history.

This is really a rather simple concept- yes I do get jealous and no, I stick to the principle that when everyone has broken up- please be my guest. I have no idea why do people have this idea that just because I am human I would forget all my experience over the years.

I still stand by everything that my door is always open regardless of who you are or what you did- it is your prerogative to knock it. And I will not let my personal exertions get in the way of the things I have learnt over the years.

I am not a choir boy- and I won't deny it. And no I have never smoked before even if it is so alluring and likewise what makes anyone think that just because one has experience, one is incapable of controlling one's impulses- continues to puzzles me.

In fact, once you look back- one will realize that there is nothing really mysterious about the whole thing- no matter who fun it was then. It was really confusing and scary at first, and then it was interesting and lastly then it becomes fun. But once you reached that stage- it becomes like work. There are things that you HAVE to do- and then you make lots of risk/reward calculation in your head. Was it really worth all the trouble when it becomes like work.

Hence I used to stare at beautiful woman with awe but now, the first thing that goes into my head is that, is she going to be a princess. And really if so, how much red carpet do I have to pull. The left side of my brain kicked off faster than other parts of my head now.

I know it really is practical but everyone knows it- they just are in different stages that's all.

By the way, I am talking about romance- I am not sure what you are thinking about.