Self-Loath

Many believed that they can arouse attention or elicit a response simply by doing something a particular action that is counter-intuitive. Simply by fighting a particular emotion is not tantamount to getting an opposite emotion. For example, a lonely person very often would do anything to hide his emotion simply by gesticulating loudly. The lonelier the person, the larger and louder the counter-intuitive response. This is in particular for any form of emotion which one is attempting to cover. The more obvious the cover, the bigger and louder the absence. 

In reality, this is a response of which is of desperation and helplessness. One cannot solve nor ameliorate a particular feeling and therefore, of which to feel alive is to the do the exact opposite. This is really a response to a lack. 

Quite frankly, I do see anything wrong in being something that you are not. There is no need to cover up for your flaws- if you do, the more apparent the flaws- that sinking feeling of not feeling good enough is really the cause of this innate urge to hide one's weakness. 

Insofar that to protect the ego and self-image of one, the lengths of which one attempt to reflect a positive self-image went as far as being hyper-"anything". The normal is the abnormal is the normal. It is perfectly fine with not being perfect- I don't think it is fine to over-do anything. 

Today, in response to a threat- a father signal an authoritative tone to his young son- this is highly inappropriate for 2 reasons 1) He is only 3 years old- I think it is tolerable 2) an appropriate response in a public context is not to be overly aggressive- for fear of receiving a similar response- but rather it lies a latent motive beyond what is discipline to eyes of the audience. It is really a "hyper" reaction- a reaction of which tangential to actual action. It was never about disciplining the kid- it was about something else- and I'll leave you to your imagination to conjure up the various intentions in the head. It is loud not to the kid- but to everyone seeing the act right in the middle of plaza.

Hence, in response of being lonely, desperate and helpless- and of course, these emotions are normal, it is perfectly fine to have these feelings- but what is not fine is the denial of these feelings which manifest itself in ways that one even loses track of why one is feeling in the first place.

The common charge is then it would appear that one would have to in control of your emotions in this case- there really isn't a need to- it is a simply a reaction to the self-loathing of one's self-image. This unfortunately goes deeper beyond simply self-control. You dislike yourself and that's exactly what you are feeling right now.

It is sad- and you deny it. What is even more sad- that you try to cover it. And when in the process of doing so, you hurt people around you and the self-loathing gets even more intense as a result. Let go, rather than control it. And do everyone around you a favour.