Auld Lang Syne

There is another thing that I have not explained nicely before too. Yes, I choose to be myself and no, it is not a choice that I like to make. And am I upset about things: yes, I am a little because I think it is an overkill on everything. But do I regret, no, I do not simply because, I will not have to do what I do if I am not forced to do what I have to do.

Upset and regret is two separate emotions. I feel upset that people cannot straighten out their thoughts and misunderstand me but no, I don't regret leaving or applying to leave because people cannot try to understand me.

Do I feel upset or pissed off when I keep hearing whisperings of "he is mad, he is so weird, he is jobless, he is poor, he sells his car, or he ran out of house", of course I do but I do not need to feel sorry for myself because people don't try to see from my perspective and tend to paint a caricature of my actions.

Do I think that " I am superman" or " I am very strong", or "I am very intelligent" or "he is just too smart for his own good". Maybe, no one is perfect, even smart people. And no I don't need to feel sorry for myself and then go out to pretend that I believe all these all true when I know myself better than anyone, and pretend that " I must believe that I am mad, otherwise people won't accept me." I really wonder who is mad. No one accepts a "mad man", everyone sympathize with one. And if you call someone mad and accepts him, I think you are "mad".

Therefore, if the environment or the context is getting of whacked, it is better to leave this place then to believe this place will change for you. Hence there is no regrets in this particular action.

Besides, I have seen through the colours of my friends, and some of my family members, there is nothing worth weeping about, simply because the same people whom treat the way as above, are the same people whom will condemned you the fastest.

Anyway, I am not upset or angry, it just shows they don't trust me enough to think that what I do is for the good for myself or if not everyone else. I don't even want to pretend there is any relationship worth retaining in the first place because you see the stereotype is so hardened that it will be like banging your head against the wall.

In time to come, if they still remember me, they will come to realise the difference. But I don't see a point in trying to make a point without the benefit of retrospection.

Think about it, if they can do that to me, they can do that to me in the future again. Why would anyone bother with trying to prove something innocent when it is presumed guilty. Some say that I deserve it because of some things I wrote online or my reckless actions- well, that is true too. Hence I don't see any regrets in leaving. But some people don't even want me to leave and refuse to accept that I am different. Hence since I want to leave and you think I am weird, mad or strange, who do you bother- I really find it very funny, strange and weird, mad even.

Since that is what you want, that is exactly what you get. You should be applauding, why don't one just accept it. Everyone lives happily ever after and am so "normal" right, there is no need to be afraid of having any "unhealthy" influences right.

I still think that the problem lies with you and not me. But, I don't have the time to deal with you, and so I leave you to your devices. Everyone is happy isn't it.

Cheerios.