Thank you.

As I look back the past years, I realised that I have been quite a lucky man. I don't know how I am able to get so many people to do things for me, when I give them only nary of an attention. I was so focused on doing my job that I didn't even notice the things that they have been doing for me.

I am not going to name names to protect their identity. But, as I look back, I think I have neglected them as I was focused on jobs that I did not notice them and their efforts.

I really have to name them one by one to give them justice. I don't think they will ever read this, but I think they deserve a word from me to let them know, I actually notice- but I am have a lot other commitments to look at.

I used to think I was chasing my ex-girlfriend. But I realise that it was the other way around. I thought she was tricking me and messing around with me but I realise that I did not notice the effort they put into it.

She was so desperate to impress me and that she had to make herself "smaller" in front of me because she does not feel adequate in front of me. She was always trying to "polish" her skills but refuse to admit it in front of me for fear that I think she was not good enough for me. In fact, the only way, she can grab my attention- at least according to her- was do exactly what I say without me realising it because she does not feel adequate enough. But me being me, I just keep on rambling on and on about what she should, and how she can do better.

I don't think I gave her sufficient security that I will not leave her simply because I made her feel that she was not good enough for me. It came to a point whereby she had to prove that she was outgoing and outspoken by making me feel terrible. In reality, she was just afraid and not sure of how to handle these insecurities. Me being me, I just felt that she was being childish and was incapable of dealing of the emotions and deal with the real world. Personally I still think it is true, but I should not have been too direct with them. I come from the school of hard knocks while being enrolled with a silver spoon on my mouth- hence it was very difficult for me to understand how come anyone with other backgrounds cannot do the same.

Towards the end of the relationship, she was changing so much for me that I think I pushed her so hard that she felt old with her friends. I never have any problem being the odd one out so long as it benefits. But not everyone thinks like this. I remember once she said that: she like to be around people and I can be with or without people around me. The next day, or a Sunday night, she stayed at home to make cardboard frames for photos. I bought dinner for her and she blew me off- I think she was trying very hard.

On another occasion, she even placed books in her house just to make sure that I know she reads- [ but I know she doesn't] because she saw my bookcase was filled with books. She was trying so hard to keep me along that she had to act like a "princess" when she knows she isn't- trying to make me feel that she was important and worth it. I knew it and I played along with it because I thought she was childish and I had to go along with it.

These are the various occasions that she has done for me from the top of my head and I know that it is a lot more but it's been so long that I cannot recall anymore of that. But I never did appreciate all these because it require a lot of effort from them even though I expect a lot from them. Hence I am very happy that if they are happy and they are applying what I wish to impart to them, I would be very happy for her too. I know she is doing well now, having move back home which is exactly what she wants and have been promoted too- I am happy for her.

Let's move a little closer to recent times. You know I have a tendency of attracting people without knowing what to do with them later. I used to have this colleague whom I believed that have the hots for me. I used to run a small blogshop and was left with a few pieces after my partner and I found full time jobs and was not able to run the place anymore. I gave the pieces away to some of my colleagues.

So one day, I brought some pieces and intend to give it to them to choose and bring home. I think for some reason I thought that this white sunshine dress was quite suitable for her and I thought she should have it. Of course, in front of everyone, she refused it but brought the piece home later without telling me or anyone- I only found out from another colleague.

The next day, she asked everyone whether everyone want Gong Cha. But she refused to ask me. At that time, I did not think much and only thought she was acting weirdly and trying to mess around with me- and thought she was childish and just sort played along too. But as I look back, I realise one simple thing: she was trying to tell me that she don't mind being "Gong" since I gave her a "white" dress, she thought that I was asking to be like that so that I that I will like her.

Just before I left that place, she was trying to defend me as I had a few run-ins with the management by trying to implement and acting forcefully about this policy thing. I am not going to discuss whether it was justified, but of course, at that point in time, I thought she was in cahoots with the management. Because apparently only she was very adamant about the whole thing.

Anyway, I wont name names, I only like to highlight what she has done for me. I have no idea what she is doing now but all I know, I appreciate what she has done. I think that is the least she deserved. As always, before I left the place, my mind was what to do next and did not thought about what to do next about her- I think she deserves it.

I only like to say that I know what is happening but there are times, where it is simply not the right time or place for me to act to reveal my intentions- sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I think there is one more occasion where I have to highlight and I also owe quite a lot to her.

I have been attending school for nine months and I know the amount of things she has done for me- but I can only say that sometimes my hands are tied behind my back and there is only this much I can do.

You see this girl that I have mention quite a few posts ago have been putting herself to a limp that I feel bad that I made her look like a slut without actually trying to redeem her reputation.

She was constantly trying to get my attention in spite of the whisperings of others and even to the point whereby she doesn't need to be so thick skin when she is really very attractive. Initially, while in school, I was only trying to pass the exams and I am really good at passing exams and acting nonchantly in class but the rest of the guys in the class disagree- and they feel I should work as hard as them and get the same result. They feel that intelligence does not give you a free ride and hence if I work hard, they play games, if I play games, they work hard.

But she was the only one whom will try to make me look good, rather than trying to make me look bad even at the expense of her own. Initially I thought she was really slutty and I cannot imagine how a person can act so openly and I thought she was acting very dangerously and if she was trying to get my attention, that was very childish.

But as time wore on, she understands how I work, instead, she tries to make me look good like if I was slow in something, she would also look "stupid". But at that time, I was already quite afraid of her actions and was trying to bail out and I was determined to go through with it. But as I noticed longer, I realised that all she was doing was trying to get my attention and I like to say that I really appreciate everything that she has done even at the risk of looking bad. She was not slutty, she had to, because they accused me of being one hence in fact she was trying to make me look "good" while looking "bad".

The consolation is that the lecturers realises it and also played along with her, but I had to play along with the rest of the guys to balance things out. Hence, I like to say that I do appreciate everything she has done, and we are all acting with hands tied behind our back. But never act so recklessly and dangerously again, it is not worth it.

I am happy that she has done so much for me and I am really happy that her efforts has been recognized by other's, I believed she is the only one with a job waiting for her.

All in all, I just like to say I appreciate all the things that these ladies has done for me. And I am totally appreciative of that. But you have to understand that the more the attention I am given, the more I have to play with the guys, otherwise things will never balance out. I know, but I can't say it out.

The above is the least I can do for you.

Thank you and wish you every success in everything and be happy.

[P/S: I know, that's why I have always been impervious to the taunts- and I know what people are doing. Think hard, if I respond to the taunts and accusations, what good would it be for everyone

I just don't want to embarrass you. You like me, I know. That's the least I can do.]

Some people ask me why do I care so little when people walk away, look above: I am a contented man. I have done little and gain so much, other's do so many things and only gain irritation and disdain. I am happy. I am happy if you are happy.

There are many others. I know. The above are just some of the examples: to all of you, [ even supposed "working girls", I know.] Thank you for very much.

I always win. You just don't know that, that's all. In the game of love and everything else, you only gain the idea and illusion that's all. By the way, you will never know and find it, because you are looking all at all the wrong places.

Do the right thing, and you will get the right rewards. Do not mix up the cause with the effect. Look at those girls above- they have gain more than you have lost, because they believe in things larger than themselves.

Love is not justification for anything but an end in itself. You fudge it, you fudge yourself.

I am winner simply because I did not take advantage of that. But use that to their advantage and not mine. That makes me a bigger person and a winner in every single way.

You don't even know how you lose: you lost in the biggest public relations battle of your life. This is the biggest public relations battle of your life. You gave it to me without me doing anything. It is the battle of the hearts. You capitulated- it just took one year to show and demonstrate everything, what everyone and you have up the sleeve- tricks. It wasn't even difficult- I just have to have staying power that's all.

Thank you.

Do you know why democracy always win, that is exactly the biggest mistake that you can always make. You can have all the power, but you can never have the approval. Never underestimate the power of the weak- the weak have weapons you never know- and they have the numbers. You will lose. Power is nothing without approval. No right, no authority. No authority, no legitimacy. Violence without right or "tricks" for authority is the recipe for corruption and capitulation. Look at Egypt and Syria- they will go down.

Power without love or approval is just violence and denial is simply the acknowledgement of a lost of approval- the more you deny, the more you lose. You worse you look in front of everyone. Hence even if I did nothing, the approval is tacit. We only need to circumvent power that's all. And the bigger the wall, the stronger the disapproval- the more you do yourself in.

Hence that is why, even I am sitting on my hands: I can only say thank you to these women- because they are very brave, risk takers and know what they want and work towards it. Much more than the men I know whom only know only to sneak around and snaking into different holes that's all.

Kudos to you. Once again, I wish all the best in everything- I am sure you will do fine.