Being Fair

There is something that I can safely say that I have not put much thought into: that is I have never really how to handle someone who likes me more than I like them. My first reaction is actually more of pleasantries. The second part is then to find out what are they looking for and the last part is often why the hell they want what they want.

You will realise that, I did not come into picture at all. This is because like everything that is important, I believe that things should happen naturally and spontaneously. This means that it must be authentic and not based on some preconceived notion of something or someone.

But I begin recently to realise that what is natural for me is not necessarily natural for others. This means that I am perfectly comfortable with talking to strangers and bantering with them and thereafter we become quite comfortable with each other. It never occurred to me that it is actually much harder for others to approach me than me approaching them. Hence I have a tendency to notice those that are confident and are on the same wavelength as me.

Let me give you my thoughts on this: personally I feel that the quality of chatting a stranger is a skill that everyone should acquire. It is not necessarily reserved for just dating, in fact it should be a skill for everyone. Hence I never give anyone any easy quarters regarding this, this means that if you are scared, I will not prop you up because you must learn to overcome this fear.

But then I begin to realise that I might be alienating too many people with this ability to the point where they don't feel comfortable hanging around me because they feel intimidated and feel small beside me.

I recall this event when I was Vietnam with my then girlfriend, she was so angry that I was bantering with the Vietnamese girls for discount that she gave me the black face and folded her arms the whole time. My first thoughts was that, this is a market, have a joke and maybe we can have a good deal but of course, she wasn't chit chatty sort and really felt very uncomfortable that I was so comfortable. [ you see everytime, I walk past them in the market, they will poke my tummy. I think she was fuming]

But anyway, I digress. The point is that I really might be too mature for my age. I really am too "experienced" so to speak for my age. Hence I think that a lot of people act like kids, even people my age act like kids.

You see, when I like someone or is interested in someone, I will go up and say hello. I really don't see any problem with that. But for other's, it might be such a big leap of faith that it actually means a lot to them. Hence I might be too judgemental and did not consider their feelings when I reach such conclusions. This means that it will disappoint them very easily. Anyway, that is not my intention, my intention is nothing more than: just come say hello, there is not opportunity cost in that. This means that no matter what happen, the worst thing that can happen is that nothing will happen. Because I will not embarrassed you. And you will walk away more confident.

Even as I wrote this, I began to look back and realise that my this girlfriend above might just be trying so hard to be on my level that she might still be trying to understand what I was trying to do. I mean, what is past, hence I believe that she has probably move on after so many years but anyway, I just realise that I might be way too intimidating for her and she was trying to do catch up and I have this sneaky feeling that she is probably still doing it now.

But anyway, she is listening, and if she is reading this: I just like to say that it is perfectly fine, just be yourself- there isn't a need to change or anything. The worst thing I want is for someone to imitate me or try to emulate me to feel good enough. I mean if there is a chance together means, you are always good enough.

There are some parts of me that isn't perfect, just because I appear confident doesn't mean that I don't know it.

Hence I think there isn't a need to be afraid, scared or not good enough- look at me, I don't even look like Aaron Kwok and I just think, God is fair, we are good at some things and bad at others. I just happen to be good at many things that's all- it's not your fault that "he" is fairer to me that's all.