Tragedy

You see that I have not cry for a very very long time. I cannot even remember the last time I cried. I think the last time I cried was when my grandmother passed away, and even then it was in the bathroom and not in front of everyone.

Even the I was not sad per se, I think it was totally emotional simply because it was at that age that everyone passed away. It was just sad that she had to go. I cry not because it was tragic but rather I think it was well just sad but even then such things are infectious hence I held it away in front of everyone.

When you see it is not because that I am emotionless and in spite of- I think- people trying to make me cry, I just feel that crying is for something tragic and not because you feel sad. When you feel something is tragic, it means that something should not happened and yet it happen. Sad has this tinge of feeling like you deserve more than the world has served you.

The world is not necessarily fair, but it is not tragic. Tragic is when you have too much on your plate and someone is eating from hand to mouth. The world is not fair but it is not worth crying for when you have everything that you need and not because you don't have your latest iPhone, car, or even you cannot have your favourite gourmet food.

If these things were important to you before, you will find it tragic that you were denied them. That is when you feel that the world is unfair and therefore it is tragic- and therefore it is perfectly fine to cry.

It is then therefore that it would be quite misleading that people thought that I was strong. Many things that people think that was important to me- just because it was I used to have and just because it was denied to me and I was just displaying a strong face that's all, but deep down I am crumbling down inside. How do you feel sad or upset when things that were not important enough to be "tragic" per se, was taken away from you.

Look, by most measure, I am quite fortunate and lucky guy. I am not unhealthy, I am reasonably intelligent, I am fairly mobile and I have 30 good years ahead of me and I have some things that most people don't have- an apartment. And my wealth is even than most people my age- and I did not work for close to two years. I don't even consider my life close to tragic or sad even.

Sad or tragic is when people work their ass off and still trying to make ends meet. Tragic is when people do not get the help they need when they are seriously disadvantaged. That is tragic, and I will cry every night and day when I cannot even fulfil my basic need when the house down the road just have steak for dinner and threw the leftovers to the dogs. That is tragic and sad. That is when it makes perfect sense to feel sad and cry. My plight is like a scratch on my pinky finger.

The most that I can and will be giving up is food in restaurants, buying anything that I want, flying off at a whim, and driving as and when I want or even girls who seem to attracted to all these. It is not tragic to lose all these.

Having it all before, just put it into perspective that all these is not important and those that actually go crazy and do many things unethical and wrong to get all these seems all the more immature and materialistic. That is why you will read all these "holier-than-thou tone" in the previous post, I have really have all these before and I can safely tell you that all these not important at all. I am saying this not because I have sour grapes and denouncing it just because I cannot have all of these, I have seriously and have really done it before and I can tell you that it is good to have but never important.

Even when I was sort of in my "peak" of all these, I have never felt all these were important. That is why I can drop all of these now, when the situation calls for it. That is why, when some of my ex-employers actually threatened me if I don't comply, I will lose this and lose that, they are talking about the above, they are not talking about life and death. It is therefore that I always maintain a moral high ground.

I can be honest with you that I was so flippant about all my success and those things that I have achieved- to the extend that people can copy me all they want, so long as they don't disrupt my daily job- was that I wasn't really hard up for it in the first place.

I just keep on emphasizing that I "one day, I decided to put in more effort" line, but actually no one believes me. Everything else was almost incidental. Quite honestly, had I know that it would lead to so much speculation and so much unnecessary attention, I would not did what I did in the first place.

Hence I am not humble, neither am I artificially "humble", I really didn't care that much about it. It was nothing tragic or sad about losing all these trappings, what is sad in my eyes that the people that actually do what they do to maintain those things I mentioned above.

It came easy to me but it doesn't mean that I care enough to want it again and again. Just because people think that I was being "short-changed" and did not show my "potential", it doesn't mean that it was tragic.

It could be unfair, but it ain't enough to make me upset. What is upsetting is for these people I mentioned above and not me. Don't save me, there are a lot others more in need than me.

The world moves with or without me hence I would suggest go and find a "proper" cause, if you want to "support" please do that "for me" if not for yourself.