The "Mad" Man and his friends

I don't think it is anyone's fault that I have chosen to be close things off. You see, I am pretty in tuned with the grapevine and I know things travel faster in the grapevine than any other thing, hence I really do not blame anyone for avoiding me; [ That is why I don't see anything wrong in leaving. The grapevine will rip me apart- I am popular before, and I know how this silly game works.]

But what I do not understand is that if I know you are avoiding and I am allowing it which means that I am not going to pester you for attention- why then do you flip their way and want my attention. This is something that I do not understand.

Besides, when I do really funny things online or engage in really out-of-whack behaviour, I already know that news faster- especially gossip- travel faster than anything in this world and I know that you already know what I know you would know. Why then does one bother to go to trouble of going through the whole trouble of demonstrating friendship or relationship only to show that you don't give a damn.

When I try things, I don't expect to be Mr Popular if I do things that are different from the expectations hence I never asked to be patronized. But when I don't even ask for patronizing, isn't it making things easier for you and why does one want to make things more difficult for yourself is something that quite puzzles me.

Maybe, deep down inside, you feel curious and want to find out more or feel conflicted about your emotions about letting a friend down and not feeling comfortable around a person- but I already say never mind me, isn't that making things so much easier for you. Hence I never quite understand all these negative energy emanating from what I consider to be "friends" when I allow them to walk away. I just consider it chapter in my life to be closed and move on.

Take for example: if you think I am being a nuisance, you don't even need to answer my calls or take my messages- I won't mind and I won't contact you after a few tries. I think I have made it abundantly clear to some friends that I have done so. I was trying to be sarcastic when I add you on Facebook and you should just reject me but no unfortunately, you have no guts to do so and want to show who is better off. I have even seen friends tailgating me on the street: pretending not to recognize me and when I say hi, oh they say hi so flippantly. I really think that is psychotic behaviour. I stalked someone when I fell out with my girlfriend, but she knows I was there- that is a hell of  different thing.

But you following me and pretending not to see me in the public area is another level of psychotic behaviour. You are a voyeur, do you realise that. I am heart broken lover- that is a whole different playing field altogether. I am trying to close a gap of sadness in my heart, you take pleasure from watching people without being find out. That is mental disorder- which means that you have a problem with power do you know. I am sad, you are psychotic. If everyone is like that, it doesn't make it okay. You know what is a peeping tom, you are a peeping tom you know. I really suggest you find something to help yourself to overcome this deep-seated desire. Watch "Rear Window" by Alfred Hitchcock and you will know what a voyeur is.

The thing is that I am not even sending you on a guilt trip, because I am walking away so quietly that no one even notices and why do you still bother about trying to grab my attention. Hence if you do not have a mental disorder, take it and walk away- and no one gets hurt.

Look, I am pretty clear with what I want and my goals and I really do need to deal with people with conflicted thoughts which means that your negative energy is not welcomed at all. Hence, if you think you are better than me, I am giving you an easy route out without the hassle- why don't you all take it and allow the dust to settle.

You might regret your decision or feel bad about what you have done, but that is really your problem and not mine. Hence since we have agreed tacitly not to be close anymore, I really do hope that you stick to it and not try to get under my skin. If you feel you have conflicted emotions, you should deal with it first otherwise don't try to contact me. Don't try to contact or follow me surreptiously anymore.

When you are older, you will realise that there will be cracks no matter where you go hence let's just let time heal it. If we do meet, let it be serendipitously- otherwise, que sera sera. [ the French are the best at this]

Anyway, what is done is done. I just hope everyone keeps to their word and leave some space between each other.