Save your Time

Do you know how to be social? This means that one is reciprocate in kind in a manner which allows for an on going relationship to continue in spite of conflicts of interest rather than despite of it. Hence you see, beyond the people close to me, I have made a couple of risky decisions by which expose myself unnecessarily to a lot of criticisms. This means that when I post some incredulous post on Facebook that I know for sure, I will not get any "Likes" or any nice comments- this is simply because I are ready to lose you as a friend. And you are not important to me- hence your opinion of me does not matter to me.

That is the reason that I know for sure I will not get wedding invitation, any birthday invites or any form of well wishes simply because I know that I am acting out of character. In fact, since I started on some quite "ridiculous" comments, I expect or at least am prepared for any ill will to be thrown at me. This includes people even close to me. It is not that I take their feelings or opinions lightly, but things has come to a head that it really doesn't matter what I do, hence that is why I really have no regrets about leaving or going anywhere- in fact, I am already psychologically preparing myself for the past two years. Therefore no matter what type of emotional blackmail or weird and extreme antics will not leave me pining for anyone simply because when I make a certain decision, I already expect what to expect and the worst case scenario.

Hence you can see that I do not feel weird eating alone, rationalizing my decision on my own, doing my group projects on my own, watching movies on my own, reading in bookstores on my own and even listing on comments on my own- because at the back of my mind, when I did what I did, I already expect the worst case scenario.

And if you see me on the street and I do not say hello to you- do not be mistaken that I am embarrassed to see you, if I was, I would not have done what I have done- it is simply because I expect a similar "awkward" reaction from you and I sometimes have no inclination to deal with you.
I will pretend that I do not see you.

You see when I randomly shouted across the room that I didn't want to work because my manager was being unreasonable, I already expect myself to leave in a worst case scenario- there isn't even a need for me to try to redeem what is really an anti-work attitude by which can be easily interpreted wrongly; and it was. If I was afraid about being misinterpreted, I wouldn't have done what I have done and if I was afraid to be black-listed and shouted down by all my previous employers, I wouldn't have done what I have done. There isn't even a need to feel sympathy for me, I deserve it and I already expected it. This is not bravura, I already seen the end of road of the particular route and I see no point in persisting it that's all.

I wasn't even burning a bridge, let's just put it this way. I was finding an excuse to walk away and see what brinkmanship can bring that's all. All these walk-away thing was never about cowardice or fear, it is just that when you do what I did- which was in effect a strike- you should expect a lot of noise by which anyone will find you unreliable. But whether the strike is justifiable is besides the point, I will rest my case on this one.

Hence I think I have never written anything so far to explicate my position, I am not strong and neither am I a clairvoyant or neither am trying to  be a hero, I have already know what to expect when you do certain things. Hence in the future, when you see me on the street, do not sympathize with me, I do not deserve it because what I see, cannot be explained in a sentence. At the same time, do not need to think that I like "ku rou ji" or means that I will understand you simply because you are shown to be suffering- it is not my style and I don't really like to patronize people, hence please spare everyone the agony.

Similarly, there isn't a need to feel guilty about what you do, when I do what I do, I already sort of expect what you will do hence I already been sort of preparing for it.

I don't like to send people on guilt trips but let's just say that you are on your own-that's all.