Swim

You see, I was studying in the most difficult environment I have ever been before. It's like everyone is conspiring to screw me over. It's like even the teacher is trying to make sure that I learn nothing at all. It's like that they are trying to make me waste my money.

But, you see I didn't really give a damn about that because my job is not to pander to the needs of everyone. Everything are in the books and even if someone made it difficult for me to learn anything- it doesn't mean that I do not have the right to learn. Since they accept me as a student just to make sure that I learnt nothing doesn't make any sense at all, this means that I just need to work harder and learn everything that I deemed to be important.

Do you even get the feeling that someone is trying to build a wall around you just to prevent you from getting to the truth. It is not like I am a robot and don't get the sense of frustration but, it is a damn school, for crying out loud, who actually gets angry with learning nothing.

You see, it was really funny. Everything I do, people around me make sure that they do the exact opposite. It is like what the monty python skit said: " it is just simply nonsensical gainsaying. This means that an argument is to make a definite preposition based on a certain set of points and not just gainsaying." Well, it is really difficult to concentrate when everyone around you is making sure that they are trying to nail you.

Well, when everyone seem to rely on you to do the exact opposite. I have never been in such a study environment in my whole life before. I have been a normal and average student and it feels almost that everyone is trying to me feel different just to make sure that I become distracted. I feel comfortable in my previous environment but I felt that everyday was like potboiler environment where it is like any point in time, the whole pot will tip over.

There wasn't a need to prove that my previous study methods was wrong. I was so good at being exam effective that I really didn't need to study very hard to pass you see. And it showed because, in spite of all the efforts, I still manage to pass of it except for the first one where it took me abit longer to get used to the curriculum and I wasn't prepare for this large change in environment. But in time to come, I unlearned what I was so good at, which is good at exams, that I began to absorbed everything even those I feel might not come out in exam. This was a little better simply because I treat it like I was painting, I cover all the corners and make a story in my head filled with details. Previously, I only have the outline and I knew it was good enough for a pass. That is the beauty of my previous education, you grasp concepts so fast- that they are nothing but concepts; but you never appreciate the nuances behind them.

That's why people think that I am really smart. I can safely tell you that I am not. Hence, I always bewildered till this day, the fascination with how people think that I am smartest guy in the room. I often forget the next day, what I learnt today. But I can safely tell you that I will still make a strong argument because I have in my head, the skeleton of everyone's argument- it almost always revolves one or a few things. It is not rocket science. That's why I wasn't that good at math initially because math is used to express what words is trying to say that's all.

If you know the math, and you don't know the story, you will cut the tree down and missed the entire forest. And now, I am a little better at math and statistics- the difference is that, I am technically more proficient. I can tell you where the best trees are but I cannot tell you how to grow them.

That is exactly why I took this opportunity to unlearn what I used to take for granted- which is learning. But now, you see this made me even unstoppable. Now, I don't even need anyone to grow the tree for me, I will simply do it myself. That's why, while approaching the end of the course, people- my classmates- was bewildered by the progress that I made. They thought that I would simply fold over and am so good at telling you what to do and not so good at doing things myself.

Now, I don't even need them. I have not consider what I used to do to be a weakness, I know that with time, I will pick things up. The difference is that, I become more "hardworking" and appreciate the nuances of all the "theories" even if they are simply stories to me. It is like I can tell people what to do and with people go on strike, I will simply do it myself that's all.

I will not be who I am now if I did not dropped what I was used and made me so good and fast in the first place. Now, I am fast, effective and independent. I used to bulldoze my way if things don't go my way, now I simply do it myself.

Hence even when they were trying to distract me with everything that they can throw, I know exactly how to get it done later.

This is not even competition, this is simply just plain distractions and just red herrings placed along the way to make me look away. I used to look at these red herrings and get away with it- the difference is that I still take a look at them but now I know that after taking your eye off the ball, someone still have to dig a hole to grow the tree. I used to rely on my skeletal image and plant the structure and ask someone else to fill in the details. Now I do everything myself.

Hence you see, there was a reason, I didn't say anything when it was very obvious that people were privileging some over others. It serve me no purpose to ask to be privileged in a school setting. If I were to make a mistake, this is the best time to make it. Some even get better results and do lesser things and are even given better opportunities.

Of course, I wasn't really happy about it. But when your friends are out to nail you and even your teacher is trying to make it difficult, it serves no purpose to ask them to friend you and ask the teacher to play nice. It is like they have a personal vendetta against me. They even constructed a scenario just to make sure that I believe this rosy picture.

Now, my work experience put me in good stead. It tells me that the ground is not sweet, take what you need and walk away. Never walk away from something that you have committed without a just cause, everyone looks bad.

And so now, I watched, I observed and I learnt. I fill up this almost non-existent hole, but well, since I have the time, I might as well just fill it up.

Having already seen what can or cannot be done, you can simply strike out another one of my weaknesses now. I have no intentions of being so focused,  actually I just want to have fun and passed middle of the class but apparently, they have made it so amazingly difficult, I might as well just make it worth my while than complaining and making myself so frustrated since they have no intention of making a straightforward case for me anyway.

Therefore, since from the start that I have decided that it was not going to be an easy ride for me, I do not need to make it any difficult for me by engaging in things that obviously been used as nothing more than a carrot or pawn. I think if you want to be treated with respect, you must learn not to treat others with contempt or like idiots.

Hence if you want to trick someone, I would suggest to find someone which does not mind being  tricked. Just because you dangle something, doesn't mean that I must bite. I am not what I am for nothing. Treat someone like a fool, you will get a fool's gold instead.